Forgetting by Maylin

Maylin's entry into Varsity Tutor's October 2025 scholarship contest

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Forgetting by Maylin - October 2025 Scholarship Essay

I spent my whole life worrying about my future, about my career, about having a good job, so busy that I grew old–bitter about life, complaining about the unfairness of it all. Silly, isn’t it? Because I’m only nineteen —because I still need my mom even though I’m an adult, because my birthday is still my favorite day, because the color pink no longer seems childish to me, because even though I say I’m grown up, I still need others…. But for as long as I can remember, I’ve carried the burden of being the example for my sisters, of being the perfect daughter, the daughter who never makes mistakes, the one that always listens, the daughter who always knew what her future would be like. Because I’m supposed to have all the answers, right? When someone asks me what I want to be when I grow up, I should already know, shouldn’t I? Because when they ask, ‘What are you planning to study?’—how could I possibly explain that I don’t know? That I thought I knew everything, but now everything feels uncertain, as if my future doesn’t matter anymore? Because the truth is, at fifteen you think you know everything —You know you want to be a teacher, that you’ll have three children and live in a beautiful house by the sea. That in the mornings you’ll watch the sunrise next to your husband while your three children sleep quietly in their rooms. Because maybe my dreams are just dreams—because adult life isn’t really like that, is it?, and at eighteen you realize you know nothing, but the sad reality: growing up is a silent death.
The truth is, that’s just life—a routine, where being an adult is synonymous with not being happy, working every day to pay bills, working late into the night to provide for your family. Being an adult means missing holidays because otherwise, there won’t be enough for the rest of the month. Sad, isn’t it? Because being an adult has been my greatest fear for as long as I can remember. Since my parents pressured me to become someone with 'maturity.' Growing up always terrified me; it felt like a reminder of the inevitable—giving up on being happy. Until one day I read, “Growing up isn’t the problem, forgetting is.” Forgetting—forgetting to be like a child, to see life with hope. Forgetting is the bad part—believing it’s wrong to have a joyful soul. The bad part is forgetting that we are still those smiling children who loved too much chocolate at night, that we are still those children who loved being hugged by our parents, that deep down we still dream with our eyes wide open, that receiving hugs on our birthday still fills us with happiness. Because our body changes, not our spirit and soul.
The Little Prince—I was twelve when I read it. Now I’m nineteen, and it’s thanks to the Little Prince that I understood how important it is to remember. To remember the little things, to live in the present. All my childhood I believed that when I became an adult, I would have to stop painting, reading, taking photos, and doing the things I’m passionate about because I would become an adult, and that would mean living in an office, working late, because that’s what growing up is like. But maybe it isn’t. Maybe it’s about never stopping being a child, about the truth that “one sees clearly only with the heart. Anything essential is invisible to the eyes.”
One day I decided never to forget, never to forget being a child, always to stay true to myself. That I don’t have to have all the answers, that making mistakes is part of growing up. Because now growing up no longer terrifies me, because growing up means meeting new people, experiencing new moments, learning new things, exploring the world. Growing up was never a bad thing; it shouldn’t terrify us, but forgetting should.

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