The Lofty Goals of An Insecure Writer by Kathryn

The Lofty Goals of An Insecure Writer by Kathryn - August 2025 Scholarship Essay

I’m quaking in my chair as I write this, but I have a few aspirations (read, lofty goals) for this coming school year.

I need to bolster my self-confidence.

I have struggled with confidence my whole life. While I can finally be on camera in Zoom meetings and actively participate and lead discussions in those Zoom meetings, I still struggle with imposter syndrome. I have gained and built so many skills since I started, yet I still feel underqualified for positions I’m technically qualified for.

I even have a 4.0 GPA for Pete’s sake!

When I read through job descriptions and skill lists on job boards, that pesky self-doubt takes root and I start to question my skills. It doesn’t seem to matter how many of those skills reflect what I’ve been learning and building on. I just can’t see myself as a candidate.

I want to look in the mirror and see someone capable and confident.

I want to be able to tell myself, “I can do this. I am a qualified candidate for this position,” and believe it.

I need to start a blog.

I love to write. It’s my passion. It’s my release. My main reason for going to school for creative writing is to become an author, but let’s be honest. I need a day job while I work on passion projects, because it’s notoriously hard to make it as an author. I for one, do not want to end up living in my parent’s basement for the next ten years.

Blogging is a great way to display my writing and editing skills to potential employers while strengthening those very skills. As a bonus, I can even earn some money doing it.

I would like to finish the first draft of my manuscript.

As I mentioned before, I want to work my way to becoming a successful author. I’ve been telling stories since I was a small child when I’d come bouncing up to my mom with a Japanese beetle or five in hand and rattle off stories about their lives.

I found out the hard way that telling stories about bugs as a kid is a far cry from writing a full-length novel. I’ve started so many writing projects over the years and finished none. I didn’t understand the mechanics and process of writing. I didn’t even understand what made me love the stories that captured my heart.

The classes I’ve taken so far have been critical in my understanding of storytelling and the writing process, from brainstorming to completion. Consequently, I can no longer just enjoy a good book or movie. I find myself internally editing every mistake and analyzing every plot hole, which isn't very conducive to enjoying things.

Once I tie up the last few loose ends in the worldbuilding for my current project, and stop avoiding it for fear of failure, I’ll be ready to start my first draft.

These aspirations feel a bit ambitious for a full-time college student and mother of a rambunctious toddler, but I think they are necessary for my growth as both a writer and a professional. Even if I only manage to complete one or two of them, I’ll consider that a step in the right direction.