Maybe It Isn't All Our Fault by Michaelangelo

Maybe It Isn't All Our Fault by Michaelangelo - July 2025 Scholarship Essay

Introducing a version of myself that I'm not proud of isn't very easy as you can imagine. For a moment, put yourself in the shoes of a kid who used to worry so much about his home life much more than school work for years. Between moving from house to house, who was coming over to visit that I should be worried about, what expense is being neglected this month in order to prioritize a certain bill, and when can I find a job in order to contribute. I noticed however, other kids generally only had school to worry about. Kids had both parents to rely on, help them with homework, shower them with attention and spend genuine time with them whether it be vacations, weekends, coming to our sporting events, etc. Typically, you'd see the path of such a kid's nervous system go on to worry about details, veering off the plan, or struggling with trust. For some reason I began to worry much less about anything at all. There was such a detachment from thinking anything was tangible at all. Why would I care about college? Committing to a doctor's appointment, wearing the rubber bands my orthodontist keeps bugging me about or keeping up with my allergy medicine on my own. Why would I care about completing my school work on time throughout the academic year rather than last minute, improving my participation in class, or asking for extra help from my teachers? Up until college really this is how I felt, everything was last minute and only if I was pushed to care. There was a constant escape through things no kid should use yet more kids do than people would like to think.
There were only two types of things that made me feel anything at all. One of them was illusively more interesting to me and the other was true but suppressed. Art and science. I fell in love with art in forms of theater and photography in high school, as I was enrolled in an art program at Nicholas Senn High School. Growing up, I had an affinity for science as well, more specifically in Astronomy but in nature itself. As much as I loved learning new things in science, I never believed I could pursue a STEM field. This limiting belief largely came from my ADD diagnosis at the age of 12 and the personal issues I’ve struggled with in my upbringing. I had a childhood that required me to grow up relatively quickly, as I’ve described.
This brings me to what I would tell a young me, Michaelangelo or I suppose I’d use my childhood nickname, Mikey. An ideal stage for me to reach out to would be freshman year of high school, and this is of the assumption I’m recognized as him in the future. Knowing me, this would be a tough approach but I'd hug him firmly as I struggle to hold back my tears. Trust me, I’m not a crier let alone crying in front of others. First, I’d like to acknowledge his past and the struggle to develop a passion or urgency considering the lack of control I remember, as an attempt to ensure he feels seen. Next I'd try to emphasize the agency that is there waiting for him to realize it. In those moments where there is a lot to worry about, agency is something you can practice too in a strange way. Beat a little battle everyday, between building habits like making your bed everyday, learning how to cook in order to do something for yourself, journaling, pick up a chore to practice consistent responsibility, and try to develop a schedule for every month as best as you can. Of course I’d also mention getting off your phone and making the most of your free time by exploring hobbies, actually using this great internet access in computers for learning, and trying to experiment with time management methods to see what works for you.
Learning is a good escape, rather than bad influences in friends and media I know played into how I'd escape my home life. In order to clarify what I mean, I would share some of the things I’ve worked on so far since I’ve restarted my academic career pursuing an Associates Degree in Natural Science at Harold Washington College, and the methods of instrumentation and sensor building from my summer physics internship with Northeastern Illinois University. I’d express my passion to pursue Astrobiology, analyzing biospheres, gaining insight into the origin of life, and studying life developing in the harshest conditions. After the conceptual inspiration, what would follow is an emphasis that math is something you can practice… science isn’t Hogwarts, some people certainly are gifted but the vast majority worked on their understanding and struggled throughout their journey. Work these technical skills out like a muscle. The last point I’d make after expressing advice and sharing experience to insight inspiration, would be that I am him. No one knows him like I do and I know he is capable of way more than he gives himself credit for. This lack of self belief is the ultimate thing holding us back, but maybe it isn’t all of our fault.