Comfortability by Caitlyn

Comfortability by Caitlyn - January 2026 Scholarship Essay

My battles with mental and physical illness were never easy to resolve. The constant Wac-A-Mole of struggles is relentless. Once you start to grip the slippery hands of Anorexia, depression creeps its way in. Rock-bottom was a place I frequented. I even created a home where hope was absent, and failure was comfortable. My lowest point was in a mental hospital for eating disorders. I remember sitting alone under the fluorescent lights in a hard blue plastic chair on the 4th floor of the building. I had all my meals in solitude due to my struggle to intake nutrition in this environment. I felt empty, weak, and comfortable. Although comfort is usually associated with feelings of peace, this comfort was a safety mechanism. I used my submission as a place of refuge for my thoughts—refuge from the war that went on in my head. I chose not to fight when things got hard and challenges came my way. I accepted that I couldn’t live a life without the constant screams of anxiety I faced. It was that day in that chair, I looked at my plate of cold peas and chicken, and picked up the fork. I found strength in the choices I could make. I knew deep down that if I ever wanted to escape the straitjacket-like grip my disorder had me in, I needed to take the first bite. I was then able to see clearly the way out. The way to use the power inside of me for good. Every meal after, I decided to try to test my obedience to my disorder and pursue recovery. This new growth was understood as peace and tranquility. I found strength in the places I was weak by making a change. It was those little changes that made the biggest impact in my recovery. I learned that day how important it was to broaden my scope of independence from my disordered thoughts. This newfound strength lifted the corruption and pain my stress has caused me. I am now more confident in my choices and how they can change my future.