Don't Be Afraid to Cry by Alana

Don't Be Afraid to Cry by Alana - July 2025 Scholarship Essay

Don’t be afraid to cry. Growing up, emotions have always felt unwanted, a show of weakness. It was easier to just not feel, not express, not cry. Emotions got me in trouble, a disagreement to the parenting style I grew up with. Expressing your feelings was a sign of disobedience and immaturity. It took years for me to understand the negativity of this mindset, and how to overcome it. Time that could have been saved using this advice. Don’t be afraid to cry.

I used to think it was a flex, the time I had last cried. It started out as months, which then turned into years without a single genuine tear. Even tears of laughter were mocked by my siblings. Any form of weakness was something to be teased and shamed. I would lie awake every night hurting, wanting the tears to come, yet too afraid to lose my ‘streak’. A terrible streak that set me apart from others, a way to appear better. The thing I didn’t realize back then was how detrimental it was. I would try not to appear weak by holding in my tears during movies, scared someone would catch me. I wish I knew then that it was ok to cry.

The first time I cried after 5 years, I photographed myself. Documenting my crying as a spectacle, something meant to be funny. My emotions had hit a breaking point as they all flooded out, and I internalized that as something to be mocked by myself. Looking back, I realize how out of touch it seemed, separating my emotions from my brain. In my fear of crying, I detached myself so completely that it felt like something I could not have done. An idea so foreign that it wasn’t real. The thought of that now is terrifying.

I wish back then I was able to understand the importance of expressing my emotions. Keeping them all bottled up was clearly an unhealthy habit, a habit strengthened by my upbringing. Even as a woman, I had succumbed to toxic masculinity standards; that emotions were weak. If I were able to speak to my past self, it would be this: crying is not something to fear. Expressing your emotions is not weak or shameful. Let yourself feel. Let yourself cry.