My Dream Skills by Abigail

My Dream Skills by Abigail - April 2026 Scholarship Essay

My Dream Skills
By: Abigail Walker
Most people spend their entire lives searching for their purpose and never find it, however, I was lucky enough to find mine on November 21, 2021. I wrote the letters, grabbed the pill container, and counted out 34 because that's what Google said would be quick and painless. I grabbed a blade and began slicing deeply, recounting everything I hated about myself. I hated how I thought, the way I starved myself but was never skinny enough, how I made myself throw up every time I ate, and how angry I was at everyone. Most of all, I hated how angry I was at God for making me this way. I don't know at what point I stopped counting the pills one by one and just decided to take them all at once. I had nothing to lose. My head started rushing, my left arm still dripping small streams of blood onto my sweatshirt, my stomach cramping, mascara running; everything hurting, yet all I could think of was my family having to find me like this. I just sat there.
I attended a private Christian school since first grade, recited bible verses every day at school, went to Church every Sunday, and prayed every night. Why God? What did I do wrong to make you hate me? I thought about all of these things. I closed my eyes and said one last prayer, "God I don't know why you let me hurt this bad or gave me life at all if this is all that it is meant to be." I started crying, thinking about my little brother, all he ever wanted from me was to play Fortnite with him. He can't do that with a dead sister. My mom always took me for drives and watched movies with me. She can't do that with a dead daughter. My dad would never have another daughter to call silly nicknames, I was his only daughter.
I hated myself so much and couldn't say one good thing, yet I was surrounded by people that saw good in me and loved me. I went downstairs to my family. I couldn't even get words out, I just broke down. Somehow, my mom understood what I was trying to say. She was full of fear, her eyes watering, voice shaking, but despite it all, she remained calm. My brother, only 10 or so, started sobbing asking "Is Abby going to die? Please don't let Abby die." My mom grabbed her keys, started rushing me to the car, and all I remember hearing is my dad and brother praying for me. Hearing my brother sobbing, my dad praying, and looking at my mom's pale face, I knew I had found my reason to live. The next day, I had never felt so loved. By pushing through the hurt, I found the most beautiful things; realization that I matter, and I have purpose.
The skill I hope to master is showing others the love that my family never stopped showing me even through the ugliest version of myself. The skill I hope to master is glorifying God through every interaction, because one never knows what battles someone else may be fighting silently. The most ugly experiences shape the most beautiful souls, and showing genuine love to one person can save a life. I believe I should be awarded this scholarship so that I can afford college and meet a new world of people and show them the love that saved my life. I currently work three jobs, approximately 30 hours per week in hopes of saving up enough money to be able to make my future career goals of helping others access care that they need, become a reality. Any assistance this committee feels inclined to provide would be truly appreciated from the very bottom of my heart.
Thank you for your consideration,
Abigail Walker