Learning to be Seen by Zaylee

Learning to be Seen by Zaylee - May 2026 Scholarship Essay

A challenge that I once found intimidating that now feels manageable is being around people. Throughout my life, I feigned normalcy and scoffed at the idea that something may be wrong with me, that there is something that makes me uncomfortable. I thought, “Why did I have to be different?” Then I would spiral: “Does my face look weird?” “Am I talking funny?” “Are people looking at me?” It was hard to stop thinking about it, and when it did happen, I became increasingly anxious. I thought someone was always talking about me, passing judgments, making assumptions, and forming opinions, and it was suffocating. I would struggle to control my breathing, level out my voice, and avoid trembling. At times, I grew almost ill because I convinced myself that people were constantly making observations of me, which I had concluded were presumably negative or harsh. However, in truth, this was not happening because of others but because of me. I then recognized that perspective is crucial, and that what is worse than fear is being absent from yourself. I would get extremely caught up in my moments of dread that I fell short of appreciating the present. I missed out on what I had in those instants. I was in high school, so carefree and simple. I had acquaintances, classmates, teammates, friends, and best friends to reach out to. I had good grades, I played sports, and I was on the student council. I had everything I ever wanted, and the only thing that was holding me back was myself.

I wanted to feel normal again. I wanted to change, and so I did. Over time, I stopped trying to guess what people were thinking and started to take control of what I could. I ignored unwanted thoughts and surrounded myself with positive reinforcements: books, music, drawing, exercising, and most importantly, my family and friends. I attempted to develop habits to find the good in the bad, rewarded myself with words of encouragement, and took better care of my body and mind. I began to realize that being involved in sports, leadership, and friendships, and the possibility of being seen, did not have to be scary but could be fun. I finally realized, “I like being different.”