Letting Go to Hold On by Sushitha

Sushitha's entry into Varsity Tutor's October 2025 scholarship contest

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Letting Go to Hold On by Sushitha - October 2025 Scholarship Essay

In You’ve Reached Sam by Dustin Thao, the protagonist Julie grapples with a crushing loss that shatters her world: the sudden death of her boyfriend, Sam. The novel follows her deeply emotional and surreal journey through grief, memory, and acceptance as she mysteriously begins receiving phone calls from Sam after his passing. Through Julie's development, Thao explores a profound and universally resonant theme—the necessity of letting go in order to move forward. Julie’s emotional transformation is at the heart of the novel, revealing that holding onto the past too tightly can prevent healing, while learning to let go doesn’t mean forgetting love, but honoring it.
At the beginning of the novel, Julie is immobilized by grief. She isolates herself from her friends and family, avoids school, and even discards the remnants of Sam's life, including letters, gifts, and photographs. This initial purge of his memory appears contradictory—she longs for connection but simultaneously pushes it away. Julie’s grief is raw and irrational, echoing the real ways in which loss can manifest. Her attempt to erase Sam from her environment reflects a desperate effort to control the uncontrollable, to suppress the unbearable pain of his absence. Yet when the impossible happens—getting Sams phone call from the beyond—Julie clings to this supernatural thread as a way to maintain what she lost. The phone calls represent more than fantasy, but her emotional life raft.
As the story progresses, Julie’s attachment to these calls grows stronger. She structures her days around them, retreating deeper into this private, imagined world. However, it becomes increasingly clear that this connection, while comforting, also becomes a barrier. She resists facing reality and resents the idea of change. Her friends, who are also mourning Sam, start to move on, reconnect, and support one another, while Julie stays behind in grief, clinging on the one person she thought understood her. This divergence creates tension between her and others, notably Mika, Sam’s cousin, who confronts Julie about her avoidance and guilt. Julie's refusal to attend Sam's funeral, and her silence around those who also loved him, underscores her struggle not just with grief, but with guilt and social confrontation with whom she lost.
A turning point in the novel occurs when Julie begins revisiting places significant to her and Sam’s relationship, such as the park and the record store. These scenes, enriched by memories and bittersweet conversations with Sam, force her to confront the reality of his absence and the depth of their bond. Through these visits, Julie starts to understand that holding onto Sam through these phone calls doesn't keep him alive—it traps them both in a state of stasis. The calls begin to deteriorate, becoming shorter and more strained. Julie starts to feel the emotional toll of her refusal to move on. She realizes that her obsession with preserving the past is preventing her from living in the present. The novel subtly suggests that grief is not something to overcome or forget, but something to carry, to integrate into one's life.
Ultimately, Julie makes the difficult decision to say goodbye. She chooses to answer life’s call rather than the ghost of what it was. This emotional release—allowing Sam to go—becomes the true act of love. The final goodbye is heartbreaking but cathartic, not just for Julie, but for readers who see her growth from denial to acceptance. Her choice reflects the core message of the book: letting go is not betrayal, but an act of acceptance and strength. Love does not disappear with death; it transforms and endures in memory, in who we become after loss.
The most important lesson You’ve Reached Sam teaches through Julie’s journey is that healing does not require forgetting. The past cannot be changed or undone and clinging to it in desperation can do more harm than good. Instead, real healing comes from remembering with love, grieving with honesty, and choosing to keep living. For Julie, letting go of Sam meant she could finally reconnect with herself, with others, and with the future that still awaited her. The novel doesn’t promise a happy ending, but it offers a hopeful one: a future where grief and love coexist, and where life, despite loss, still holds beauty and promise.
In conclusion, Julie’s story is one of emotional maturity born from the pain of loss. Through her, Dustin Thao crafts a tender, resonant portrait of grieving that captures the complexity of letting go. You’ve Reached Sam reminds readers that the hardest goodbyes are often the ones that set us free—not from love, but into a life where love remains, even as we move forward.

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