Learning to take Up Space by Samir

Learning to take Up Space by Samir - August 2026 Scholarship Essay

For most of my life, being quiet was my way of being comfortable. If I didn't say anything, I couldn't say the wrong thing and embarrass myself. I'd always let others handle it and leave me with an easier choice. That way, I could be less stressed and feel better about myself. Even when I started my first year of college, that habit followed me everywhere, especially in social situations. I'd be in the commuter lounge hanging out with my friends and they introduced me to new people, my body got nervous and tenses up like spidey senses and I just observe and answer with little tiny conversations. The change started with something small, not some dramatic moment everyone has or was hoping for, but just a small conversation. At one point, one of them brought up something I knew a lot about, but I shrugged it off like the usual me. Later, one of them mentioned they were surprised to learn something about me from someone else entirely. They said it half jokingly, but for someone like me, it stuck with me. I remember thinking, although they have known me for months, there's still this whole other side of me they have never actually heard from directly. At first I told myself it was not that important and that not everyone needs to know everything about me right away. But the more I sat with it, the more I noticed how often this happens. I would have opinions, interests, and things I was genuinely excited about, and I'd just let them stay in my head instead of saying them out loud, even around people I actually trusted. I had gotten so used to holding back that it didn't even feel like a choice anymore. I kept thinking about that saying, how closed mouths don't get fed. It's usually said about asking for what you want, but it applied here too. I had been expecting people to just somehow know me, to notice things about me without me ever actually putting them out there. That's not really how that works. If I wanted people to know me, I had to be the one to open up first, not just wait around hoping that people would ask the right question at the right time. That realization didn't turn me into someone who talks all the time overnight. That's not really how personality works, and I don't think it needed to. But it did change something smaller and more specific. I started noticing the moments, usually outside, usually with people I was already comfortable with, where I had something worth adding and was staying quiet out of habit, not because it actually made sense to hold back. I started forcing myself to jump in a little more, even if it was just one extra comment or finishing a thought instead of trailing off and letting someone else take over. It obviously felt uncomfortable at first, the same way anything unfamiliar does, but over time I noticed something. People didn't respond the way I had feared they would. No one judged me, thought less of me for talking, or for actually finishing what I started saying. If anything, conversations started feeling more like conversations, less like me just being present while everyone else did the talking. The one small moment, hearing that someone had learned something about me secondhand instead of from me, changed more than how I act when I'm hanging out with people. It changed how I think about being quiet in general. I used to think being shy and being distant were the same thing, like one required the other. Now I think they are different. I can still be a quiet person, someone who listens more than they talk and doesn't need to fill every silence, without keeping the people around me at a distance. I still consider myself a shy person, and I don't think that part of me needs to change to be close to people or genuinely known by them. But I have learned there's a difference between being naturally quiet and just fading into the background, even around people I actually like being around. That one offhand comment taught me something worth remembering: If I want people to actually know me, I have to be willing to show up in the conversation, not just stand next to it.