The Girl Who Said No by Nikki

The Girl Who Said No by Nikki - July 2025 Scholarship Essay

I was born a people pleaser, always striving to be the perfect daughter in my parents eyes. I pushed myself to meet and exceed their expectations so they would be proud of the person I was becoming. My self-esteem and confidence was built upon the outside validation I received from others. But that constant chase for approval came at a large cost.
For most of my life, I was so focused on other people’s expectations. I rarely stopped to consider what my true aspirations and wants were. I was so insecure and doubtful about my abilities that pursuing my own happiness never posed as an option. If my aunt mentioned how well I played the violin as a beginner, I practiced until my fingers were red and my arm was sore. When my parents suggested a career as a pharmacist, I embraced that identity and proudly claimed my fourth grade self to be a “future pharmacist.” I found immense joy in these pursuits and am grateful for the opportunities to explore new paths. However, the pressure in living up to the standards that were being thrown at me became overwhelming.
Everything started to unravel in seventh grade. My motivation and drive declined causing my grades to drop. I isolated myself from my friends and family, locking my bedroom door and spending more and more time alone. Even my love for the violin began to fade. Playing music for a large audience no longer made me rejoice. I didn’t care to run through the neighborhood or answer the door when they begged to play.
All I wanted was a total reset. I wanted to quit the violin and discover new passions according to my own rules. I wanted to focus on school and have the biggest academic comeback that made me proud of the hard work and effort I put in. Most of all, I wanted to have greater control over my life and redefine what happiness means to me.
The journey in learning to say no and overcoming the urge to please others wasn’t easy. I often felt guilty for not wanting to fulfill the expectations put on me, yet I reminded myself that it wouldn’t necessarily contribute to my own accomplishments. I do regret being so strict on my actions by adhering to a specific standard, which only prevented me from reaching my full potential. However, I’m growing from my mistakes and wish that I could tell my past self to betray the people pleasing side of me and take a chance.
I’d push her to experience life without fearing the unknowns, to stop worrying if something is a waste of time. I’d encourage her to branch off from her current hobbies and remind her that doing so wouldn’t cause harm to others. I’d especially reassure her to take those small steps in achieving her own goals, even if it feels like betrayal for choosing herself.