No, Insecurity Is Not Your Superpower by Neslian

No, Insecurity Is Not Your Superpower by Neslian - July 2025 Scholarship Essay

Stop waiting to feel confident, to feel ready, or to feel like you are finally enough. You do not have to be fearless or perfect before you start. The only thing you need to do is begin moving forward, even if it feels uncomfortable.

In middle and high school, I was seen as one of the top students. I got good grades, I followed the rules, and I did what was expected of me. On paper, everything looked like it was going well. But underneath all of that, I was deeply insecure. I doubted how I looked, how I spoke, and whether I really belonged. Even when I succeeded, I did not feel like I deserved it. It was as if I was pretending to be someone I was not.

I remember when I entered a STEM competition on my own while there was a team from my school competing as well. Their project did not make it to the finals, but mine did. Afterward, my teacher told me something that stuck with me for years. He said, “You are a very insecure person, but your insecurity is what makes you work harder.” At the time, I took that as a kind of compliment. I told myself maybe my insecurity was actually a strength, the thing that pushed me to do better than everyone else.

So I tried to use it to my advantage. I prepared excessively for my presentation and practiced every detail until I knew it by heart. When the day came, I gave what I thought was a solid presentation. But there was a moment when I stumbled. I was asked to present in English, which was not my strongest language at the time, and my nerves got the best of me.

When it was time to announce the winners, I felt so nervous that I was sure I would come in last. But to my surprise, I ended up in third place, ahead of teams from private schools, even though I was a solo project from a public school. You might think I would have felt proud. And you are right, or at least I wanted you to be right. But the truth is, I did not. Instead, I felt the same old insecurity. I thought I still was not good enough and that I needed to push myself even harder. That feeling followed me through college.

When I opened my college acceptance letter by myself, I was sure I would fail. But I got into an Ivy League school. I had achieved something big, but I never let myself enjoy the moment. It was like being served a delicious meal but not being able to enjoy it because I was too focused on the calories. Or saving up for a trip all summer and then not being able to appreciate the trip because all I could think about was the money I spent.

Even now, I still feel insecure sometimes. It does not just disappear because I have achieved things or checked off certain goals. But I have learned something important. Insecurity does not have to control me the way it used to. I have found a way to push through it instead of letting it stop me. I go to the gym even if I feel self-conscious. I wear clothes I like even if I worry about what others might think. I even dance in public or post videos knowing that there will always be that little voice telling me I should not. But I act anyway.

If I could speak to my younger self now, I would say this. You do not need to wait for some perfect day or perfect feeling to start changing. You do not have to be free of fear or doubt to be bold. Change comes from choosing to show up even when you are scared or unsure. You do not have to be perfect to be proud of yourself. You do not have to prove your worth to anyone else before you decide you are worthy.

The hard truth is that waiting for confidence is just another way of letting fear win. It keeps you stuck in the same place, always wishing for something better but never reaching it. The real work and the real growth happen when you stop waiting and begin acting. Confidence is something you build by doing, by falling, and by getting back up again.

I want my past self to know that it is okay to feel insecure. It is okay to have doubts. Those feelings do not make you weak or less capable. What matters is what you do with them. You can let those feelings push you to prepare harder, but you can also decide to stop letting them hold you back from living your life. You deserve to enjoy your achievements even if they do not feel perfect. You deserve to wear what you want and to dance like no one is watching. And most of all, you deserve to believe that you are enough right now just as you are.