Code Blue by Leila

Code Blue by Leila - August 2026 Scholarship Essay

The sound of the alarm immediately made my stomach drop.

For a moment, I did not even understand what was happening. I had reached for what I thought was the patient’s call light, but I had pulled the code blue button instead. My instructor quickly stepped in and pushed me to the side as she worked to turn it off. I stood there feeling completely embarrassed. I wanted to disappear.

It was not just because I had pressed the wrong button. To me, that moment felt like confirmation of every fear I had been carrying throughout clinicals.

Before clinicals even started, I already knew I wanted to do well. I wanted to learn everything I could and prove that I belonged there. My instructor was not only someone who taught me, but also someone I looked up to as a mentor. I always wanted her to be proud of my academic success and the work I put in. Because of that, every mistake felt bigger than it actually was.

I constantly questioned myself. Was I getting the right vital signs? Was I doing the procedure correctly? Was I communicating with the patient the right way? Was I remembering everything I had been taught? While some of my classmates seemed comfortable being in a patient’s room without the instructor standing nearby, I often felt like I needed someone beside me every step of the way. I was so embarrassed when the other girls overheard the incident. It made me feel even more behind, and I started to question whether I was trustworthy or capable enough to work with them.

The problem was that my fear of making a mistake sometimes made me more likely to make one.

I became so focused on being correct that I stopped trusting myself. Instead of seeing clinicals as a place where I was supposed to learn. I compared the beginning of my journey , to my classmates middle and wondered why they seemed so confident while I was still afraid to do something on my own. I felt behind. I felt embarrassed. Most of all, I was afraid that one mistake could change the way my instructor saw me and my future nursing career.

I remember thinking about what that mistake could mean .I worried that mistakes like that could affect whether I would have future opportunities to grow within the hospital. In my mind, one mistake had become evidence that I was not good enough.

But clinicals had already taught me that mistakes do not happen only when you are careless. Sometimes they happen because you are still learning.

Another moment that stayed with me happened when I walked through the halls wearing my personal protective equipment. I was not supposed to leave the patient’s room wearing it. A classmate asked me to go get more supplies, being excited to help caused me to overlook an important step. I exit the room without removing my personal protective equipment. Thankfully, one of the nurse corrected me before I had got to the supply room.

Once again, I felt embarrassed.

I kept thinking, How did I not think about that? It’s one of the top 5 things our instructor always remind us . Follow HIPPA , wash your hands before and after entering a patient room and correct PPE steps.

But instead of hiding how I felt, I talked to my instructor about it. She was my ride home after clinicals, so our drives often became debriefs about the day. I would talk through what happened, what I was worried about, and what I thought I could have done differently.

I began to realize that feedback was not something I needed to fear.

I had spent so much time trying not to make mistakes that, avoiding mistakes was causing me not to grow, my career goal is to grow and be comfortable with being uncomfortable . I thought being a great student meant always knowing what to do. I thought being a future nurse meant always being confident. Clinical taught me something different. Being a good healthcare professional does not mean knowing everything immediately. I learned that feedback is not an attack on my ability. It is an opportunity to become safer, more prepared, and more confident.

As I continue toward a career in nursing, I know I will encounter situations where I do not immediately know the answer or where someone will have to correct me. Instead of allowing those moments to make me feel small, I want to use them as opportunities to grow.