My Genetic Code by kaiden

My Genetic Code by kaiden - July 2026 Scholarship Essay

#8ACE00

A simple hex code, which may not hold substantial value to the average person, holds significance to me. If I died today, this hex code would be my casket color. It represents change, hardships, strained connections, and resolution. At first glance, it is simply the color of Charli XCX's *BRAT* album. To me, it has become a reminder of the way I learned to think differently.

As someone who has always loved biology and chemistry, I assumed that passion alone would make science come naturally. Analytical chemistry quickly proved me wrong.

During our first analytical chemistry lab, the room hummed with confidence. My classmates measured solutions with ease, recorded observations without hesitation, and seemed to know exactly what every result meant. I, on the other hand, struggled with the simplest tasks. Every mistake convinced me that I simply was not intelligent enough to belong there. Instead of asking questions, I stayed quiet because I thought admitting confusion would expose me as incapable.

Around that same time, I became fascinated with *BRAT*. At first, I dismissed the album as loud, chaotic, and overly dramatic. After reading about Charli XCX's intentions behind it, I realized the album was never trying to be polished or perfect. It celebrated uncertainty, vulnerability, and taking up space anyway. That idea stayed with me far longer than I expected.

I began noticing that my biggest obstacle in chemistry was never balancing equations or analyzing solutions. It was the belief that I had to understand everything immediately. If I didn't, I assumed I had failed. My fear of being wrong prevented me from thinking deeply enough to actually learn.

Instead of avoiding difficult concepts, I started treating them like investigations. Rather than asking, "Why don't I understand this?" I started asking, "What am I missing?" If my calculations were incorrect, I traced every step instead of immediately giving up. If an experiment produced unexpected results, I looked for explanations instead of assuming I had no ability. I stopped seeing mistakes as evidence that I didn't belong and started seeing them as data.

That shift changed the way I approached learning. I realized critical thinking is not about knowing every answer immediately. It is about being willing to question assumptions, analyze evidence, test ideas, and revise your thinking when the evidence changes. The same curiosity that made me love biology became stronger because I finally allowed myself to struggle.

I often think about the line, "I might say something stupid." For so long, that fear kept me silent. Today, I ask the question anyway. I volunteer my ideas in labs even when I am uncertain because I know uncertainty is often the beginning of understanding.

This color, permanently stamped as "brat green," reminds me that growth is rarely polished. Learning is messy. Science is messy. The best discoveries usually begin with confusion. #8ACE00 no longer represents an album to me. It represents the moment I stopped trying to look intelligent and started allowing myself to become intelligent through curiosity, persistence, and the willingness to think differently.