The Little Girl With Big Worries by Jadyn

The Little Girl With Big Worries by Jadyn - July 2025 Scholarship Essay

Every fat kid's worst nightmare is the week of school when physical fitness testing is due. I remember being in elementary school and having actual nightmares about the FitnessGram pacer test. I always felt inferior and embarrassed when I had to display my physical efforts in front of my classmates, not only because children are cruel, but because I knew I was behind in the cardiovascular department. I was the slowest, the heaviest, and the one who gave up too easily. The trauma ran so deep that I memorized the entire audio playback of the test.

One of my classmates had asked me, "Jadyn, how many laps did you get during the test?" I lied and replied with an answer that I thought was believable, but achievable for what I deemed a fat girl was capable of. With the wisdom and knowledge I have now, it was okay for me to be honest, vulnerable, and unsure of my abilities at that time. Nobody is perfect, especially not an eleven-year-old child. Sure, I may not have been the most athletic girl in my grade, but I had other qualities that made me just as special and important as anyone else - I was kind, intelligent, and charismatic.

I would love to be able to go back in time and let the younger version of me know that the things I was so worried about then mean nothing to me now. They had no impact on my future life and were only significant in my anxious pre-teen brain. Every time I would waste energy trying to guess if someone was thinking negatively of me, I could have been doing something a lot more productive. And even if someone was thinking something mean or unkind about me, there is literally nothing I can do to stop them. People have their own free will and will do whatever their brain tells them to.

I feel for the young girl I used to be and wish I could give her a great big hug because she deserved it. Oftentimes, I felt alone and like nobody wanted me around. I'm sure that other children felt the same way. If I were to give my past self a piece of advice, it would be to care less and do more. I missed out on so many opportunities because of how I thought other people would feel or react. My insecurities ruled my childhood life. I would skip out on the pool because of how I thought others would think of my body, and I never joined sports teams because I thought I had nothing of value to bring to the table.

My journey from that anxiety-ridden little girl to the young woman I am today has not been a breeze, but it has been transformative. The pacer test may have been nightmare fuel during my childhood, but it also became the limelight for a much deeper lesson about self-worth and the importance of rewriting the narratives we tell ourselves. I now know that my value as a person is not dictated by how many laps I can run in a gym or what others think about me. It's how I treat others, how I pursue my goals and passions, and how I am there for myself when I need it. That little girl in the gym deserved compassion, not criticism. I choose to be the one who finally gives it to her.