New Strength by David

New Strength by David - January 2026 Scholarship Essay

I remember staring at my phone screen at two in the morning, one of the quietest moments being the loudest. The silence in the house after my grandmother’s passing kept me up at night, my thoughts a whirlwind of unsaid emotions and grief. That silence grew louder a month later as my mother died after a long-fought battle with leukemia. At the age of thirteen, when my independence had just started to flourish and develop, all suddenly became an empty abyss. The two anchors of my world were ripped away from me. Unbeknownst to me, this tragedy would spark a long and emotionally impactful journey of self-discovery and personal growth.
Following their deaths, the reality that they were gone did not fully register with me. As a young teen, I was still developing how to deal with grief and understanding mortality. I felt lost and numb, like a stray, lonely boat untethered, wandering aimlessly in a deep, endless sea. I had trouble expressing myself, and I couldn’t actively process my emotions like other people do. Mentally, I was emotionally frozen, the days blending into a blur like I was just simply existing. It scared me, I was overwhelmed, and I was always asking myself, “What happens next?”.
For something so traumatic, I wouldn't let it run my life; I pushed beyond that barrier and gradually started to accept my emotions of grief and loss. After the initial shock, it gave way to the beginning of reflection and acceptance. Before, I looked at old family photos with my mother in them with a sense of uncertainty and discomfort. It made me confront emotions that I didn't want to accept or feel, so I avoided them, which only ended up hurting myself. Slowly, I began my process with the first small step, forcing myself to look at old photos without immediately turning away. On quiet nights, I realized that letting myself feel these locked emotions was not a weakness but a strength I could feel and address for the first time. When my guardian and I decided to sell my mother’s house, we held a yard sale to sell any belongings I felt I did not need or want. As I carried boxes of old toys and belongings, I felt a wave of nervous anticipation wash over me; the moment felt like I was starting a second life on my own, without my anchors.
Once my 8th-grade year ended, I transferred schools, leaving all my old friends behind, moving to a different high school in the city, where I would start fresh. It pained me a little that I would have no one to feel comfortable with; however, I took this as an opportunity to start again from zero. There was no surge or motivation, but a mighty piece of perseverance and resilience that carried me through my darkest days. It led me to truly comprehend how limited our time here on earth is, leading me to cherish every moment by making strong connections in ways I never thought possible. It dawned on me that grief is not a straight, linear path, but a deep, resonating whirlwind of personal emotions that is long and changing. What began as an overwhelming, dreaded sense of helplessness and uncertainty began to blossom into a pivotal moment where I started to understand my capacity to navigate and overcome my grief, sparking the real beginning of my personal growth.
Now I look back at those dark moments when I felt lost in the proverbial sea without my mother and grandmother, and I am filled with a sense of fondness. It ultimately changed me, allowing me to appreciate what we have now whilst inspiring me to contribute meaningfully to the world. It's okay to feel grief, even wallow in it, but only if you use that emotion to grow and change.