No More Self Sabotage by Cassandra

No More Self Sabotage by Cassandra - May 2026 Scholarship Essay

It goes without saying that we never know what challenges people in the world go through everyday. When you really think about it, it holds us back from living to our true potential. What I mean is to live to the fullest everyday; but of course there are days where it becomes challenging. It feels like you are being tested everyday to see how you handle the weight of accepting the events that have happened throughout your whole life. The challenge I found most intimidating that now feels manageable is accepting my childhood.
For starters, I would like to mention that my past consists of me being the one who was misled by my family members with their bad influence on me. I started stealing and became more mean towards others without realizing it. I have heard so much advice on how to stop worrying about what I could have done and instead think of what I can change now in the present. It was very hard for me to cope with it because I know it does not define me, when in reality it is still a part of me. The way I grew up is the way I ended up, that's why I kept judging myself and never got past the thought of how I used to be because it lives within me. I was that little girl who did not know any better and my childhood was the way it turned out to be but my adulthood can not be the same. I would tell myself that I would not allow any bad memories to enter my new ones because I knew it would destroy me and it did.
Furthermore, in a sense I had to destroy myself to be able to rebrand myself for what I have done and find ways to make up for it. My deeds are my own and the way I was able to change the way I processed things was by making my mind go silent and not think about anything. When I think I know myself because I am using my brain but when I am not thinking about myself or anything, it is like I rewind my mind and take a break. We push ourselves so much that the only thing destroying us is our own mind. Understanding that the mind is the most powerful organ and function in our body makes us want to blame ourselves instead of others. In reality, we do not have to put the blame on ourselves or anyone because I was not conscious of it. Now, I am able to think for myself and know right from wrong. I had to simply convince myself that it was intended for me from the start in order to go through and learn lessons along the way.
In addition, adding my past to my present affected me greatly because my mind would play those memories of my actions out of the blue because I would unlock a hidden memory I wish to forget about. We all make mistakes and have regrets afterward but the decisions we make are already planned for us. It may not seem like it but it always has been that way, you wish to pick both but can only pick; that one decision will impact your whole life, like it did to mine. Not being able to go back and change things is the hardest thing to live with; but we still live on. The hardest challenge is to live with it because what else can you do but ask for forgiveness to the people whom you have affected in your scandalous, thoughtless actions and the words you chose to use towards them.
To conclude, I knew my actions had consequences and that's what I faced throughout my life because I was upset with myself. I felt miserable because I could not get past what was haunting me. I was the one fighting my own battles, not loving myself enough to the point where I made myself think that others were not fond of me. Once I learned how to get past all of it, it truly was not about what other people thought but what I did about. It has to do with me because it's my life and I won’t let sadness or anger get in the way of it to worsen. When I got past all of it, I was finally able to breathe and start fresh; regardless, we accept that we live in the same body but become a different person. Remembering that words aren't permitted but your actions are, It is important on how you respond to it and give back.