What I Needed to Hear Back Then by Anthony

What I Needed to Hear Back Then by Anthony - July 2025 Scholarship Essay

If I could give one piece of advice to my past self, it would be this: Don’t let shame or fear stop you from showing up as you are. I used to think I had to hide the parts of myself that weren’t perfect—especially the things I felt embarrassed about. But over time, I’ve learned that growth and strength come from embracing your full self, even the parts you once tried to hide.

There was a time when I struggled with picking my cuticles and pulling my hair. It wasn’t just a bad habit—it was something I felt deeply ashamed of. My hands were often red, sore, or scabbed, and I did everything I could to hide them. I’d keep my sleeves pulled down, avoid handshakes, and sit on my hands during class. The fear of someone noticing was constant. And when people did notice, I was sometimes bullied or judged. That made me withdraw even more.

If I could speak to that younger version of myself, the one hiding their hands and trying to disappear into the background, I would say this: You are not broken. You are not weak. You are coping the best you can, and you deserve compassion, not shame.

At the same time, I would encourage myself not to let fear control my actions. I missed out on things because I worried about what others would think—worried that if they saw my hands, they’d see me differently. I know now that those fears were valid, but they didn’t have to define me.

As I grew older, something changed. Soccer became an outlet—not just physically, but emotionally. On the field, no one cared what my hands looked like. What mattered was my skill, my effort, and my teamwork. Competing at a high level taught me that what I bring to the table is far greater than what I was trying to hide. That realization helped me slowly gain confidence, and it gave me the courage to work on the habits that were hurting me.

Today, I still have ups and downs, but I no longer let shame silence me. If I could go back, I would tell my past self: You don’t need to be perfect to be worthy. And you don’t need to hide. Being honest about your struggles doesn’t make you weak—it makes you brave.

We all carry things no one else can see, and sometimes those invisible battles are the hardest. But every time you choose to show up anyway, you take your power back. That’s the advice I’d give: Be kind to yourself, and never let shame make your world smaller.