Feedback: Friend or Foe - A. Barajas by Annabella

Feedback: Friend or Foe - A. Barajas by Annabella - August 2026 Scholarship Essay

My first opportunity as a music director was for "Fiddler On The Roof". I had spent weeks preparing and had dedicated countless hours to ensuring I had a steady plan for the weeks of teaching to come. As our first practice wound down, the show director and I met up to discuss our progress, and my heart sank as I heard all of the notes the show director had for my first day as a music director. Instead of getting defensive and fighting to justify my rehearsal plans, I sat and listened to what my director had to say. I realized he did not mean his feedback as criticism or a personal attack, but rather as a way of guiding me in this new position, and as New York Times best-selling author Robert G. Allen put it best, “There is no failure, only feedback.”
The first day of music rehearsal was something that I had been greatly anticipating. It was my first time directing a cast of this size, in a theatre so widely recognized in the theatre community. My initial rehearsal plan was to take each song one at a time and work until I was satisfied with the way that the ensemble was blending and was sure they were confident in their harmonies. I hoped to teach between two to three numbers over the span of three hours at our first rehearsal. By the end of the day, I had only gotten through an introduction of myself and the show, and a little over half of the opening number. I was already disappointed with the amount of work I had gotten through when the show’s director said he wanted to talk to me after rehearsal. When the rest of the cast was dismissed, he pulled me aside and told me that I needed to be more efficient in rehearsals. He went on to tell me that I needed to be less of a perfectionist and focus more on the sound of the ensemble rather than each individual actor, and that at the end of the day, I did the best that I could given the situation. My initial instinct was to defend myself. I wanted to tell him that it was not my fault and that this was my first attempt at music directing and that I just wanted to do what I thought was best for the cast. My second instinct was to apologize for letting down someone who was willing to give me such a big opportunity. I wanted to step down and give the opportunity to someone with more experience, but after he said that I did what I could, I realized that he was not attacking me.
As I drove home, I thought about the conversation I had with the director and realized that he gave me this feedback, not as a personal attack or attempt to humiliate me, but to help me realize that the key to my success as a music director did not come from a perfect show, but from doing the best that I could in a new role I did not have much experience with. Two days later, we had our next music rehearsal, and I walked into the rehearsal studio with a new approach. Instead of walking in with the goal of making sure each individual person sounded as perfect as possible, I focused on making sure that the ensemble blended, and after the second rehearsal, I walked away feeling accomplished and proud of the work I had done that day. With this new approach, I was able to teach more efficiently and felt proud of the quality of the show we were producing, until we got to one of the biggest numbers in the show. I quickly began to relapse back to perfectionism, but remembered that I had a support system that could help me to veer away from my old habits. With the help of my director and a new mindset, I was able to work through the entirety of the show in a month and spend the rest of the time fixing and polishing songs.
Three months after our first rehearsal, we opened “Fiddler On the Roof”, and I was so proud to see the work that I had put into the show be performed in front of my community. Every night I watched the show, I was reminded of the growth that I made not only as a music director, but also as a person. I am now able to realize that feedback is not the same as criticism, and it is a stepping stone towards improving rather than a tool for tearing someone down.