Is It Better to Speak or to Die? by Aamirah

Is It Better to Speak or to Die? by Aamirah - April 2026 Scholarship Essay

For a long time, I didn’t fully understand how quiet I stayed. In gymnastics, I was always the quiet girl, and over time, that label became something I lived inside of rather than just something people said about me. I started noticing a pattern that I couldn’t ignore: when some of my teammates, who were white, got hurt or needed help, they were treated with immediate care and concern. But when I was in pain or struggling, the response often felt different. I was more likely to be told to push through it or “tough it out.” It made me question whether speaking up would even make a difference for me.

That belief followed me into more serious moments. I was born with a brachial plexus injury, Erb’s Palsy, which left my left arm paralyzed at birth. Growing up, I worked hard to build strength and control in it, especially as I progressed in gymnastics. But by the time I reached Level 7, I started feeling something shift. My arm began to hurt and stiffen again in a way that felt familiar but scary. It would tighten and freeze, sometimes hurting so badly that I didn’t even want to move it. I knew something wasn’t right, but I stayed silent. I didn’t speak up because I convinced myself I wouldn’t be understood, or that it wouldn’t matter if I did.
Looking back, that silence wasn’t just about pain. It was about not feeling safe enough to use my voice. It was about not wanting to be dismissed or seen as dramatic, so I chose to carry it alone instead. But staying quiet came with a cost. I learned to ignore my own instincts and minimize my own experiences.
Now I’m learning how to change that.

I’m working on building self-advocacy by starting small. Speaking up in everyday situations, asking for help when I need it, and being honest about discomfort instead of pushing it aside. I also want to place myself in environments where communication is taken seriously, especially in healthcare and service settings, so I can practice expressing concerns in a clear and respectful way. With time, I want those small moments to build into confidence in bigger situations where speaking up really matters.
Most importantly, I’m learning that using my voice doesn’t make me difficult; it makes me honest. My experiences don’t lose value just because they’re inconvenient or uncomfortable for someone else to hear.
Over time, I want to become someone who doesn’t just endure things in silence but someone who can speak up for herself with clarity, courage, and care for her own well-being.