A Grandmother's Love by Samantha

A Grandmother's Love by Samantha - March 2026 Scholarship Essay

Caregiving is the giving of yourself to someone else who is in need.

For me, it was someone I loved my whole life and still do. I gave my every intention, thoughts, heart, soul, prayers, and physical body to my grandmother who was suffering from dementia and other illnesses as she grew older.

It was early high school and we had just moved into a house that was more accommodating for my grandmother. My parents and I had discussed what she was going through but I’ll be honest, back then, I could not fully comprehend what she was going through. Even now, thinking of my grandmother’s difficulties brings up a wellspring of unresolved heartache.

My mom and dad were strong enough to lift her individually, she was mid-70’s and I would say weighed a bit less than average but if I was there I would help by lifting her from the bottom of her knees and underneath her shoulders. More points of contact would make less pressure and less pain for her. The first time I helped lift her she groaned because I had grasped her too tight, terrified I’d drop her. When I was helping take care of her it included movement from her commode, bed, chair, and wheelchair wasn’t always comfortable for her, often she would ache with pain due to her rheumatoid arthritis.

Caregiving allowed me to see my grandma in a different light within her suffering and gave me a door to my own unfettered love and compassion for her. It was indescribably difficult seeing my grandmother in this way and there wasn’t medically anything that could be done. I'd help serve her meals, sponge bath her, change her commode and diapers, give her medicine, help her move by lifting her when she wasn’t feeling strong enough, as well as just spending time with her. She loved to watch her “programs” and look out the window at whoever might be passing by. She enjoyed being social and asking people how they were doing or what was going on in their lives, and truly cared about someone else's heart and feelings.

This was end of life care and I felt utterly helpless. I was fourteen.

With her suffering, there was a burden on me for bearing witness. She deteriorated physically and mentally. It was hard to watch wishing she’d get miraculously better while seeing her symptoms get steadily worse. Seeing her, who I had loved my entire life, who had loved me for my whole life, change shape and progress into an unfathomable state. Often she would call me my mother’s name or forget who I was, all while I just wanted her to be my grandma to me again.

When caregiving, there are good days and bad days for both the person you’re helping and yourself. Some days are unbearable, there are things no one should have to go through, or see. Suffering can cause people to lash out, especially when they don’t remember who you are to them. My grandma in my memories was sweet, kind, and loved cooking people food made with love. This contrast to her bitter words on the worst days would break even a fortress of a heart let alone a teenager’s.

I think of who I was then versus who I was now and reflect on my ideals, values, and what life truly means to me. A life that embodies selfless kindness. I think of the mercy that I prayed for her to receive. I wished she would be healed but there was no medication, no procedure, no hope for restoring her health or her mind. I have seen a raw reality I wouldn’t wish on anyone. It has made me kinder, rather than crueler, for I know what lashing out at people can really do and how it once impacted me.

When she passed away, over my life loomed a cloud of depression and grief mixed with the loss of a loved one knowing there was nothing I could have done to save her. Before, when I was taking care of her I had purpose then it was suddenly taken away and replaced with helplessness. I self-isolated and took to homeschooling, losing connection with all of my friends at a crucial time.

Yet, through this painful experience I have felt my own transformation. Seeing through the eyes of Buddhist principles has allowed me a deeper understanding of what my grandmother went through and is a reminder of how important and profound impermanence is as a teaching as well as Maitri, known as the practice of loving-kindness. Through everything that came with the task of caring for my grandmother, I was able to give her the gift of loving her through layers upon layers of pain. This lesson has had a profound impact on my life that is nearly ineffable, yet it shapes how I view the world every single day and how I choose to act.

My friends now call me “Sunshine” as my nickname and I wish only sweetness and goodness for others. It is second nature for me to give others random acts of kindness, helping people with minute details, or in larger ways that offer great support to people in my life.

This scholarship would help increase the ripple effect of my life's greatest work: Kindness.

And will help make my own dreams come true.