Quantity vs Quality by Julia

Quantity vs Quality by Julia - July 2025 Scholarship Essay

I have spent the better part of my 21 years of life worrying about the circle of friends that surrounded me. Ever since "cliques" became the norm in elementary school, I was hyperaware of the almost non-existent group that I had. When I entered middle school and my grade went from 50 kids to over 200, I thought this was my moment to find my clique. But I never did. Years passed, grades came and went, and I always found myself as a "school friend," and never more. Pool party season, birthdays, weekend events—my name was rarely on the invite list. While moving on to high school, I had the chance to go to a completely different district. Thousands of new people surrounded me. And again, after a mere four years, this "girls group" I yearned for never came to fruition. I tell this story—this friendship journey—because it’s something I spent so much time fixating on.

If I could go back to all those phases of me, I would tell that girl, it’s okay to not be in the group. The number of friends you have does not reflect the kind of person you are. I felt lonely, alone, and mainly embarrassed throughout my years. To be the girl who didn't have friends to hang out with every weekend, to not be invited while everyone else was. However, I see the joys that I experienced had nothing to do with the group or the size of friends I had. I have a close family, a mom who's like a best friend, a brother who constantly keeps me on my toes, and a childhood friend who is a sister to me, who has stuck by my side from kindergarten until now.

I look back and realize that even though I felt lonely, it was because I was looking at life through other people’s lenses, not my own. Now, I see that my life and my experiences were created exactly for who I am. I love intimate moments, going out to dinner, museums, and experiencing things with a person or two. When I'm put in big groups, I close up and I feel out of place. While younger me felt like this reaction was wrong, embarrassing, and sad, I know that it's okay. I didn't need to be in the big groups and the big sleepovers, because I have my person. My people. And while society tends to negatively label those on the outskirts of groups, I hope that if anyone feels similar to me, that they have the opportunity to grow. And thar they realize there are bigger things in life than elementary school cliques, middle school parties, or high school dances.