Composition: Composing Literary Texts (TEKS.ELA.8.11.A)
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Texas 8th Grade ELA › Composition: Composing Literary Texts (TEKS.ELA.8.11.A)
On Friday night our stadium lights hummed like bees, and I stood with the mic in the press box, palms damp, throat dry. Coach said I'd do fine announcing the middle school game, but my stomach kept doing somersaults. The field looked huge from up here. Players jogged out. The band tapped their sticks. I read the roster twice and still stumbled over a couple names in my head. When the anthem ended, everyone got quiet, like the town was holding its breath. I clicked the button. My voice came out thin. I said the kickoff was coming, and it echoed back at me. People cheered anyway. By halftime, I finally breathed, wishing I'd sounded more like myself instead of a borrowed voice. That night.
Which revision best enhances this personal narrative's imagery and voice while keeping its original purpose and tone?
Replace the final sentence with: 'By halftime, I wore the announcer's mantle, articulating with august authority across the municipal amphitheater.'
Insert a metaphor-rich paragraph comparing the crowd to a galaxy, with constellations of nacho cheese and orbits of sneakers.
Revise 'My voice came out thin.' to: 'My first words slipped out like a cold trumpet's first note—tight and shaky. "You got this," I whispered, then cleared my throat and tried again.'
Add more sensory details about the crowd and the field to make it vivid.
Explanation
C adds a precise, scene-appropriate simile and a brief, authentic bit of self-dialogue that strengthens voice and sensory impact without changing the event. A is overly elevated and breaks authenticity. B piles on flashy but silly imagery that distracts from the moment. D is vague and does not offer a concrete improvement.
I joined the robotics club because the flyer said no experience needed, which sounded like a promise. On the first day, the workshop smelled like dust and metal. People clustered around a half-built robot that looked like a shopping cart with dreams. A junior named Malik asked me to hand him the hex key, and I didn't know which tool that was, so I pretended to tie my shoe. The robot's wheels squeaked. A girl in a denim jacket typed lines of code that made little green numbers race. I wanted to say I could learn fast, but the words stayed behind my teeth. When the battery finally powered on, everyone clapped. I clapped too, hoping they wouldn't notice my quiet hands. Not yet. Anyway.
Which revision best improves characterization and dialogue while preserving the scene's purpose and voice?
Revise the coding moment to: 'The girl in the denim jacket—Jae, according to the sticker on her laptop—drummed the keys. "Want to try?" she asked, nudging the keyboard my way. My hands hovered, but I sat.'
Switch the narrative voice to second person and add a flashback explaining your fear of tools from childhood.
Add an extended personification: the robot 'longed to sprint from its prison' and 'dreamed of voltage like rain' throughout the scene.
Use more technical jargon about torque and PID loops to sound authentic.
Explanation
A adds a specific name, a concrete detail, and natural dialogue that develops character relationships without derailing the moment. B changes point of view and structure, disrupting flow. C is overwrought and shifts tone away from the realistic scene. D adds terminology that may impress but distracts from voice and character.
All summer the sky forgot how to open. The pasture turned the color of old paper. Our windmill squeaked like a door that needed oil, turning because it always had. I walked the fence line and watched the cattle look at the empty stock tank, their shadows long and thin. Dust made small clouds under my shoes. At night, the stars were busy but quiet. I tried to think of rain as a promise instead of a rumor. Mom set a bowl on the porch to catch any surprise. In the morning it was still empty, just a circle of light. When the storm finally came, it didn't apologize. It hammered the roof and laughed down the gutters, and I opened my hands. At last.
Which revision best strengthens the poem's imagery while keeping its spare, reflective voice and Texas setting?
Add a rhymed couplet refrain after every third line to create musicality.
Replace 'Dust made small clouds under my shoes.' with 'Dust lifted in soft puffs around my ankles, a pale ghost that followed each step.'
Insert an allusion to Poseidon demanding tribute for rain, comparing the windmill to a trident.
Make the imagery stronger and more descriptive.
Explanation
B sharpens a vague line into concrete, sensory imagery that fits the poem's tone and place. A imposes a structure that could distract from the reflective free-verse voice. C adds a mythic allusion that clashes with the grounded, local setting. D is too general and offers no actionable craft improvement.
I didn't mean to send Maya the screenshot of our chat, but my thumb was faster than my brain. As soon as the whoosh sound happened, I felt like the floor tipped. At lunch, she sat at the end of the table, picking grapes one by one. I kept rehearsing something to say that didn't sound like a commercial apology. The clock above the milk cooler ticked too loud. When I finally walked over, my mouth went dry. I said I messed up and I was really sorry, and the words felt like they were wearing borrowed shoes. She nodded, but her eyes stayed on her tray. The bell rang, and the room scraped back its chairs. I wished for a redo button. Right then.
Which revision best enhances dialogue and authenticity while preserving the narrative's focus on making amends?
Rewrite the lunch scene as a magical realism episode where grapes turn into clocks to symbolize time lost.
Elevate diction: 'I articulated contrition with punctilious sincerity; nevertheless, her ocular focus remained trayward.'
Add a stanza of internal rhyme reflecting the nervous rhythm of the cafeteria.
Replace the apology beat with a short exchange: 'I messed up,' I said. Maya peeled another grape. 'Yeah,' she said. 'It stung.' I swallowed. 'Can I fix it?' 'Maybe. Start by not hiding.'
Explanation
D introduces concise, believable dialogue that deepens characterization and keeps the scene's purpose. A changes genre conventions and drifts into symbolism that undercuts authenticity. B uses overly formal diction that conflicts with the narrator's voice. C imposes a poetic device inappropriate for this straightforward narrative moment.
I moved to this school in the middle of the year, and everything felt too big. The hallways were loud, and I tried to keep my head down. At lunch, I carried my tray and looked for a place, but most tables were full. I saw an empty spot and sat there. People around me talked about classes and sports. I ate slowly and checked the clock more than once. A boy nodded at me but didn't say anything. I told myself it would get easier, but I wasn't sure when. After school, I waited for my ride and watched buses line up. The day wasn't terrible, but it didn't feel good either. I went home thinking about tomorrow and what might change for me.
Which revision best enhances imagery and voice while keeping the narrator's cautious, hopeful tone?
The cafeteria was a vast cosmic ocean where I, a lonely comet, orbited cliques and constellations of laughter for epochs.
I slid my tray onto the corner seat; the table smelled of orange cleaner and pepperoni. Grease ticked on the pizza like rain. 'Is anyone sitting here?' I asked. The boy who'd nodded hooked a sneaker on the chair leg and shrugged. 'Go ahead.' My shoulders loosened a notch.
You walk into the lunchroom and your heart hammers, harried, halfway hiding, hoping someone helps.
I felt very, very nervous and kind of invisible, like a ghost floating around.
Explanation
Choice B adds concrete sensory detail and a brief, natural line of dialogue that deepens voice and scene, while preserving the original situation and tone.
On Friday night, the stadium lights came on, and the whole town showed up. I stood near the fence with my friends, and we watched the team run onto the field. The band played loudly, and the cheerleaders waved their signs. People wore school colors and talked about the other team. I bought a soda and a bag of chips from the concession stand. The game started, and we clapped when our team made a good play. The air was cool, and it felt like everyone knew everyone. I thought about how this was a big deal here. We stayed until the end, and then we walked out with the crowd to the parking lot. It was a normal Friday, but still important to me.
Which revision best strengthens setting and character interaction while preserving the small-town Friday night focus?
Historically, our program clinched three district titles, and in 2018 advanced two rounds; statistically, rushing yards predict victory.
The lights became halos for heroes in a cathedral of competition, sanctifying every down with sacred cheers.
As I pondered the meaning of community, I considered the paradox of belonging versus autonomy, drifting into thought until halftime.
Metal bleachers rattled each time we stomped. Snare drums snapped; the brass lifted our chins. A curl of barbecue smoke threaded the cool air from the booster pit. 'Save me a seat?' I asked, balancing my chips. 'Yeah, right here,' Maya said, patting the spot by the fence. When our quarterback broke free, the whole row rose like one person.
Explanation
Choice D uses sensory details and concise dialogue to enrich the Texas stadium setting and community feel without changing the scene's purpose.
Jade joined the robotics team because she liked building things, but the after-school room felt unfamiliar. The table was covered with tools, wires, and an unfinished frame. Other students moved around, and someone asked for a screwdriver. The coach told them to focus on the drivetrain first. Jade picked up a wheel and looked at the instructions. She had ideas, but she wasn't sure when to speak. The group decided on a plan, and they started tightening bolts. The robot began to take shape, a little at a time. When it was time to clean up, Jade put parts back into bins and wondered what they would finish tomorrow. She hoped she would find her place and contribute soon. On the bus, she rehearsed introductions.
Which revision best develops Jade's character through purposeful dialogue and interior thought without disrupting the scene?
Jade rolled the wheel in her palm. 'Do you still need a Phillips?' she asked, voice steadier than she felt. 'Yeah—thanks,' Miles said, not looking up. If I say it now, they'll hear me, she thought, tapping the hub. 'What if we mount the battery lower for balance?' The coach glanced over. 'Try it.' Heat climbed Jade's cheeks, but her hands were sure.
Before robotics, Jade remembered how, at age six, she took apart a toy for hours until sunrise, and her grandmother told a long story about machines in another country.
Gears were galaxies, torque a tide, screws little planets precessing around a sun of purpose in the firmament of aluminum.
She felt emotions, complicated ones, that were very deep, and she thought about them a lot while doing things.
Explanation
Choice A adds specific dialogue and internal thought that reveal Jade's initiative and uncertainty, advancing characterization while staying in the moment.
I write about blue flowers by the highway in spring. We drive past long fields, and the color is on both sides of the road. My family talks in the car, and we say the flowers look nice this year. We pull over at a safe spot and stand by the fence. The air is warm, and a light wind moves the petals. I take a picture on my phone, and the sky looks clear behind the flowers. Cars go by, and I hear them as we look. I think about how seasons change and how the flowers return. It feels calm out here, with space and light. We get back in the car and keep going, and the flowers stay behind for now, anyway.
Which revision best enriches the poem's imagery and specificity while keeping its reflective free-verse voice?
We pause and pose and prose and rose; the toes of those by rows of shows compose the flows of those blue rows.
Look, flowers,' my sister says. 'Yes,' I say, 'flowers.'
We step onto the gravel shoulder; sun warms the hood. Bluebonnets stud the ditch, coins of color in limestone dust. Wind lifts a papery mesquite leaf and brings cedar-sweet air. Grasshoppers click out of our way. A cattle guard rattles under a passing truck. When I kneel, my jeans pick up red clay. The horizon is a clean blue line.
The flowers are very beautiful and amazing, full of wonder and nature greatness.
Explanation
Choice C replaces general statements with concrete, Texas-specific images and sensory details, strengthening imagery without forcing rhyme or changing the poem's calm tone.