Composition: Revising Drafts for Clarity, Style, and Precision (TEKS.ELA.8.10.C)
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Texas 8th Grade ELA › Composition: Revising Drafts for Clarity, Style, and Precision (TEKS.ELA.8.10.C)
Dear Council, I am writing about the park on Blanco Road because it is hot and it is not good. I think shade is needed, and I think people want it, and I think it will help. When families go there, they stand in the sun and they leave fast. It makes them tired, which is bad for them. Last week I talked to a person who said this and they were upset, and it should be fixed. We have festivals there like Fiesta things, and it is sunny, and that is a problem. If we had more trees or covers, it would be better, and it would make it cooler. Please do it soon because it is hot in Texas and it will help.
Which revision most effectively improves clarity, organization, word choice, and sentence variety while preserving the writer's original request to add shade at the Blanco Road park?
Dear Council Members, I am writing about the park on Blanco Road. It is hot, and it is not good. Shade is needed. People want it. Families stand in the sun and leave fast. It makes them tired, which is bad. We have Fiesta events there and it is sunny and that is a problem. Please fix it soon.
Dear Council Members, I am writing about the Blanco Road park because summer heat drives families away. During recent visits, parents told me the lack of shade leaves children exhausted, so they cut visits short. Fiesta events at the park face the same problem. Installing shade structures and planting trees would make the park safer and more comfortable without changing its character. Our community wants this improvement, and the need is urgent in Texas heat. Thank you for considering this request.
Dear Council Members, because grammar is important, I corrected the sentences and removed extra words. The park is hot; nevertheless, the situation is being considered and this can be addressed if budgetary constraints are alleviated, thus ameliorating conditions accordingly.
Dear Council Members, the park really needs more parking spaces and new swings so families won't leave early in the heat. Please add equipment soon.
Explanation
Choice B strengthens organization, clarifies pronouns, varies sentences, and upgrades word choice while keeping the original purpose: request shade (trees/structures) due to Texas heat, family comfort, and Fiesta use. A trims repetition but leaves vague pronouns and choppy structure. C polishes mechanics but becomes vague and bureaucratic, losing key details. D changes the meaning by asking for parking and equipment instead of shade.
Many people in Texas saw the power go out in winter and it was surprising because it was winter. The grid did things and then it didn't. Some people had pipes burst, and they also had food spoil. Also there were officials talking, and also citizens were sharing stuff online. It was because of weather and other stuff, and it was because of planning that didn't happen. This taught a lesson, which is that we need to prepare, and they should do it. The energy companies and the leaders and it all needs to get together. If the grid was winterized then, then it would be okay, which is what they should do. Also, it shows how communities helped each other which was good.
Which revision best improves clarity, organization, word choice, and sentence variety while preserving the original points about the Texas winter outages, causes, community response, and needed preparation?
Texans lost power in winter only because the weather was unusually cold; everyone knew it would happen, and officials did everything possible. People complained online, but the grid worked as designed.
In winter, the power went out. It was surprising. Also, officials were talking, and also people posted online. It was because of weather and planning that didn't happen. They should do it.
Preparedness is important. Communities should work together. Leaders and companies should communicate. This is the main idea.
During the winter outages in Texas, severe weather and inadequate winterization disrupted the grid, leaving many residents without power and bursting pipes. Officials addressed the crisis while citizens shared updates and resources online. The event was a wake-up call: leaders and energy companies must collaborate to winterize equipment and plan for extreme cold. Communities supported one another, but better preparation can prevent future failures.
Explanation
Choice D organizes the ideas logically, replaces vague words, clarifies causes and actors, and varies sentence structure while keeping the original meaning: unexpected winter outages, severe weather plus lack of winterization, community help, and a call to prepare. A revises meaning by asserting the grid worked as designed. B fixes little and retains repetition and unclear pronouns. C becomes so general it loses the passage's specific content.
I was walking by the river and it was nice and it was quiet and it was kind of boring. I saw a bird and it did a thing and then it did it again. Then you feel like something is going to happen, but it doesn't, and I keep going. The trees were there and they were tall and they were green. It made me think about them and about home and about other things. When it sings, it sounded like a whistle, and I wanted that, but it flew away. This shows how life can be like that. I go to the bridge and I stop and I look and I think and I go.
Which revision most effectively improves imagery, sentence variety, and pronoun clarity while preserving the reflective moment and events of the original scene?
I walked along the quiet river, the stillness soothing but almost dull. A small bird flicked across the water, circling back as if to try again. For a moment I expected a change, yet nothing came, so I kept moving. Tall green trees leaned over the bank and drew my thoughts toward home and other half-formed ideas. When the bird sang, a clear whistle rose and faded; I wished it would stay, but it lifted away. The moment felt like life itself—promises near, then gone. At the bridge I paused, looked out, thought a while, and went on.
A sudden storm exploded over the river, thunder rolling as the bird dove and caught a fish. I ran to the bridge, heart racing.
I walked by the river. It was quiet. It was boring. I saw a bird. It did something. I went to the bridge. I looked. I left.
You walk by the river and it is nice but boring, and when it sings you want that, but then it flies away and you go, which shows life is like that.
Explanation
Choice A keeps the original meaning—quiet walk, bird's song, reflection at the bridge—while adding vivid details, varied sentences, and clear pronouns. B changes the events with a storm and a catch, altering meaning. C fixes some repetition but becomes flat and vague, losing imagery and insight. D mixes points of view and keeps unclear references, weakening clarity and style.
Hello, I am writing to talk about trash. The cafeteria throws away a lot of it and it piles up and it is gross. People say it stinks, and they say it makes them not want to eat. Compost could be used but we don't do it here. This would help the garden and it would make less of it. I know someone who did it at another place and they said it worked and it was good. If we did it, then we would make a website page and a flyer and a poster and I would do those. This plan is important and it should be done by them soon because it matters, and I think it is a big issue.
Which revision best improves clarity, organization, word choice, and sentence variety while preserving the proposal to start cafeteria composting and the plan to help promote it?
Hello, I am writing to talk about trash and a website page and a flyer and a poster that I can make. It is gross and it stinks, so we should do it soon.
Trash is being generated in the cafeteria, and olfactory complaints are being registered. Recycling will be implemented for bottles and cans to resolve it.
Hello, our cafeteria throws away large amounts of food scraps, creating odors that drive some students from their meals. A composting program would reduce waste and feed our school garden. Another campus nearby runs composting successfully, and I'm willing to help launch ours by creating a simple information page, flyers, and posters. If we form a small student team and set collection bins by the tray return, we can start this month. This plan keeps the original goal—less waste, healthier spaces—and explains clear steps without extra clutter.
Hello, the cafeteria trash problem should be solved by hiring more janitors immediately. Composting is complicated and probably won't work here.
Explanation
Choice C clarifies pronouns, organizes reasons and steps, improves word choice, and varies sentences while keeping the original meaning: start composting to reduce waste and help the garden, cite a successful example, and volunteer to create materials. A focuses on posters and keeps vague, repetitive language. B changes the solution from composting to recycling and adds jargon. D changes the proposal entirely.
At our school, the cell phone policy is confusing. Students get in trouble, and they don't know why, and they don't like it. I think this is a problem. I think it makes class worse. I think we should change it because it would help. When teachers see a phone, they say different things, and then something happens, and then it is inconsistent. This makes people mad, which is bad, and it causes issues after that. The policy tries to stop distraction, but it ends up making more. They should make a rule that is the same for everyone and tell it to everyone. If they do it, it will make people happy, and it will make grades better, and it will fix stuff.
Which revision most effectively improves clarity, organization, word choice, and sentence variety while keeping the author's original purpose?
We should ban phones entirely during school hours. If a teacher sees any phone, it will be confiscated for a week. This strict policy will make grades better and people happier.
The cell phone policy is confusing and disliked by students, and it is inconsistent, and it causes issues, and it should be changed.
At our school, the cell phone policy confuses students because rules vary by classroom. Some teachers confiscate phones; others only warn students, so consequences feel inconsistent. This inconsistency frustrates students and distracts from learning. The policy's goal is to reduce distractions, yet it often creates them. The solution is a clear, campus-wide rule communicated to every student and teacher. If the same expectation applies to everyone, students will understand the limits, conflict will decline, and classes can focus on instruction.
At our school, the cell phone situation is a total disaster, a hurricane of trouble that destroys learning. Every teacher does whatever, which always ruins class. Obviously, if they just did one rule, everything would be perfect.
Explanation
Choice C clarifies pronouns, strengthens word choice, adds sentence variety, and organizes the argument logically while preserving the original intent: a consistent, clearly communicated policy. A changes the meaning to an extreme ban. B compresses ideas into a clumsy run-on that hurts clarity. D uses exaggerated claims and absolute language that introduce new problems and distort the intended message.
Dear City Council, I am writing about the heat at the Friday night game last week in Cedar Oaks. It was hot, and it was hot for a long time, and it was still hot later. People were sitting and they were standing and they were fanning and they were not okay. Some folks left, and some did not, and that was that. We need to do something about it, and we need to do it soon, and maybe later it will be better. Also, they ran out of water, which was not good. If you could, please fix it. The band, the teams, and the grandparents need help. This is not just about comfort. It is about something else.
Which revision most effectively addresses organization, tone, clarity, and specificity while keeping the writer's purpose to improve heat safety at games?
Dear City Council, I'm writing about heat safety at last Friday's football game in Cedar Oaks. Many spectators and participants showed signs of overheating, and the stadium ran out of water. To improve safety, please add shaded cooling areas, ensure ample hydration stations, and schedule extra medical staff for high-heat events. Clear announcements about where to find water and shade would also help. These steps protect students, band members, and older fans while keeping the games enjoyable. Thank you for your attention.
Dear Council, It was extremely, extremely hot. Please fix this ASAP!!!
Dear City Council, Cancel all outdoor games until winter so nobody overheats. That is the only way to keep people safe.
Dear City Council, Please bring more water next time.
Explanation
Choice A improves tone, organization, and specificity with clear, actionable steps while preserving the original request. B is informal and vague, harming tone and clarity. C changes the purpose by proposing a drastic cancellation. D addresses only one issue and ignores broader organization and development.
Last summer I went to the river and it was fun and then we kept going and then I saw a fish and then I ran and then I laughed. The sky was a color like paint and the water was water and it was fine. I was thinking about how things are, like life, which is big, and that made me think of my shoes. My cousin said they were awesome, and he said they were awesome again, and I said yes. Then we went to a rock and then we sat and then we waited and then we went home. I feel like that day matters because it did, and it is important and it will be important.
Which revision best improves sentence variety, imagery, and clarity while keeping the original meaning of a memorable day at the river?
Last summer I went to the river and it was fun, fun, fun, and then we went home.
The river is an allegory for socioeconomic currents that define existence; as such, the ichthyological encounter catalyzes ontological inquiry.
Last summer, we go to the river, and then we go home, and it was good.
Last summer, my cousin and I followed the river's slow bend until a flash of silver darted past—a fish. We laughed and chased our shadows along the bank. The sky burned orange, and cool water slid around our ankles. My cousin admired my worn sneakers; I grinned and agreed. We rested on a warm rock, listening to the current. That ordinary afternoon still matters to me because its small moments—laughter, light, and water—felt big.
Explanation
Choice D adds vivid imagery, varied sentence structures, and precise details while preserving the original meaning. A remains repetitive and underdeveloped. B shifts to academic jargon and changes the tone and meaning. C keeps tense errors and repetition, reducing clarity.
Texas has its own power grid and it does things. It is like a big machine and it works when it works, but then sometimes it doesn't. People plug in stuff, and then they use more, and then there is less, and then it can be a problem. The grid managers do things like call people or not call people, and maybe they turn off parts or not. This is confusing, and it is confusing for residents and businesses and schools. The way it is explained is complicated, and the order of the steps is not set up in the right way for readers. If someone wrote it clear, people would know what to do when it gets hot or cold and power is low.
Which revision most effectively clarifies the process, improves organization and word choice, and preserves the original purpose to explain how the grid responds to high demand?
Under ERCOT protocols, grid frequency deviations necessitate staged under-frequency load shedding, voltage support, and ancillary market procurement.
Texas operates a largely independent power grid. When demand surges, operators first ask large users and the public to reduce use. If supply still falls short, they rotate temporary outages by area to protect the grid from failure. Clear, step-by-step messages—what to do, when, and for how long—help residents, businesses, and schools prepare. A simple sequence (reduce, alert, rotate) explains what happens and why.
The grid fails whenever people plug in too many devices; blackouts are unavoidable.
The grid does things to help. People should just use less power.
Explanation
Choice B uses precise, accessible wording, organizes steps in a logical sequence, and maintains the original explanatory purpose. A adds jargon that harms clarity. C overgeneralizes and alters the meaning. D is vague and underdeveloped, addressing only part of the issue.