Composition: Revising Drafts For Clarity Organization Word Choice And Style (TEKS.ELA.6.10.C)
Help Questions
Texas 6th Grade ELA › Composition: Revising Drafts For Clarity Organization Word Choice And Style (TEKS.ELA.6.10.C)
Yesterday our class went to the museum, which was a place that had many exhibits that were very interesting and also some that were not as interesting, but still kind of interesting in a way that made you think, which was something I like to do. I was walking around and walking around, and I saw a dinosaur skeleton that was big in a big way. The guide person talked and talked about bones, which were bone-like, obviously. In conclusion, museums are places where learning happens, if you try, and that is my report about it today. Thanks for reading.
Which revision best improves clarity or style?
Replace 'The guide person talked and talked about bones, which were bone-like, obviously.' with 'The guide talked about bones that were bone-like, obviously.'
Add a sentence about the museum cafeteria's pizza.
Replace 'a dinosaur skeleton that was big in a big way' with 'a towering dinosaur skeleton.'
Repeat 'walking around' a third time to create emphasis.
Explanation
Choice C replaces a vague, redundant phrase with precise, vivid wording, improving clarity and concision. Extension: Rewrite two to three sentences to vary structure or word choice. Scaffold (model): Change 'I was walking around and walking around' to 'I wandered through the exhibits.' Enrichment: Swap drafts with a peer and use a checklist for clarity, concision, strong verbs, and varied sentence openings.
At the science fair, my project was about making a plant grow faster by talking to it in a voice that is nicely polite, which is something that maybe works or maybe does not, but I wanted to test it because I had time. The board I made had a lot of pictures and sparkles and stickers everywhere, which made it super extra. I described materials like dirt and water and a cup and also another cup. In the end, results were occurring that might show growth, sort of, but I am still thinking about how to think about it.
Which revision best improves clarity or style?
Replace 'results were occurring that might show growth, sort of' with 'the results suggested slight growth.'
Add more sparkles to the board to make it extra extra.
Change 'a cup and also another cup' to 'two cups, which are vessels that contain liquidity.'
Replace 'nicely polite' with 'very extremely nice polite voice.'
Explanation
Choice A states the outcome directly and concisely, improving clarity and readability. Extension: Rewrite two to three sentences to vary structure or word choice. Scaffold (model): Change 'a cup and also another cup' to 'two cups.' Enrichment: Peer critique with a checklist focusing on clarity, concision, precision of terms, and varied sentence beginnings.
Last Saturday there was a soccer game that happened between my team and another team, which was a game that really was, like, something that took place for a while in the afternoon around three-ish. I was playing defense and also thinking about snacks at the same time, which is multitasking. The ball came toward me in a way that was ball-like, and then I kicked it with my foot, which is what you kick with. People yelled things loudly and also louder. Ultimately, we won by scoring points in the goal area place, which made everyone happy and clapping.
Which revision best improves clarity or style?
Add a sentence about the weather forecast for next month.
Replace 'kicked it with my foot' with 'kicked it with my foot appendage.'
Keep 'really was, like, something' to sound casual and friendly.
Replace 'we won by scoring points in the goal area place' with 'we won by scoring in the goal.'
Explanation
Choice D removes filler and uses a clear, direct phrase, improving style and clarity. Extension: Rewrite two to three sentences to vary structure or word choice. Scaffold (model): Change 'The ball came toward me in a way that was ball-like' to 'The ball rolled toward me.' Enrichment: Partner critique using a checklist for clarity, concision, specific nouns/verbs, and varied sentence length.
Making pancakes is an activity that is done by many people everywhere on mornings that are morning-like, especially on weekends, which was the time when I did it. First, I gathered ingredients that were ingredients, such as flour stuff and milk liquid and egg things, which I mixed in a bowl container. Then I turned on the stove to a heat that was hot. The batter blob went onto the pan in shapes that were not exactly circles. Eventually, I flipped the pancakes in a flipping manner. In summary, pancake-making was achieved by me, and everyone consumed them happily afterward.
Which revision best improves clarity or style?
Insert a sentence explaining the history of pancakes in ancient times.
Replace 'gathered ingredients that were ingredients, such as flour stuff and milk liquid and egg things' with 'gathered flour, milk, and eggs.'
Change 'stove to a heat that was hot' to 'stove to a heat that was hot hot.'
Keep 'pancake-making was achieved by me' to sound formal and academic.
Explanation
Choice B replaces vague, repetitive wording with specific, concise nouns, improving readability. Extension: Rewrite two to three sentences to vary structure or word choice. Scaffold (model): Change 'turned on the stove to a heat that was hot' to 'set the stove to medium heat.' Enrichment: Exchange drafts and use a checklist for clarity, concision, concrete details, and varied sentence openings.
Last weekend, I worked on my science fair project with my cousin, who is my cousin and also my neighbor. We decided to test how fast ice melts, which is interesting and very fascinating and interesting. First, we put ice in bowls, and then we placed them in bowls on the porch outside. The sun was shining and being sunny, so the ice did melting. I wrote notes that were notes about what I saw with my eyes. After that, we talked about improvements that could make it better improvements. The project will probably maybe win, I am thinking. today.
Which revision best improves clarity or style for the sentence: "We decided to test how fast ice melts, which is interesting and very fascinating and interesting."
We decided to test how fast ice melts because the topic fascinated us.
We made a decision to try to test the speed of melting ice, which was very interesting in an interesting way.
Ice is cold and people like summer.
We decided and also made a choice to test how fast ice melts, which is so very fascinating.
Explanation
Choice A replaces repetition and vague wording with a concise cause, improving clarity and flow. Scaffold—model revision: change 'I wrote notes that were notes about what I saw with my eyes.' to 'I recorded my observations.' Extension: Rewrite 2–3 sentences to reduce repetition and choose stronger verbs. Enrichment: Swap drafts and use a checklist (clarity, concision, precise words, varied sentences) to give peer feedback.
On the museum field trip, our bus arrived and came to the museum building, which was large in size and big. I walked through a gallery that had paintings that were painted by painters. It was kind of sort of quiet, and I was thinking in my head about history thoughts. The guide talked and said words that were informational information. I took photos pictures with my device. Later, I wrote a paragraph that was long and lengthy. The dinosaur exhibit was very scary and terrifying to me personally. I will return back again because it was a good experience.
Which revision best improves clarity or style for the sentence: "It was kind of sort of quiet, and I was thinking in my head about history thoughts."
It was quiet, and I was thinking about thinking in my head about thoughts.
The gallery was quiet, and I reflected on its history.
Quiet is a thing that happens when nothing is loud anywhere over there.
It was kind of quiet and sort of silent and a little not loud.
Explanation
Choice B specifies the subject and replaces filler with precise verbs, enhancing readability. Scaffold—model revision: change 'I took photos pictures with my device.' to 'I took photos with my camera.' Extension: Rewrite 2–3 sentences to remove redundancy and add specific nouns. Enrichment: Peer-critique with a checklist (clear subject, purposeful detail, no extra words, varied sentence openings).
Saturday morning, I made pancakes that were pancake-like and round in shape. First, I mixed flour and milk and mixed them together into a mixture. Then I added eggs that were eggs, and I stirred it with a spoon utensil. The pan was hot and heated, so the batter cooked by cooking. My brother was watching me with his eyes while watching. I flipped a pancake that was flipped, and it fell onto the floor place. We laughed in laughter. Finally, we ate breakfast food that tasted tasty and good. It was a morning that was morning-like and fun. indeed.
Which revision best improves clarity or style for the sentence: "First, I mixed flour and milk and mixed them together into a mixture."
First, I mixed flour and milk and mixed them together into a mixed mixture.
Flour and milk were combined together by me to make a mixture that was mixed.
First, I combined flour and milk.
Pancakes are good and many people like them a lot a lot.
Explanation
Choice C is concise and direct, removing repetition and unnecessary words. Scaffold—model revision: change 'We laughed in laughter.' to 'We burst out laughing.' Extension: Rewrite 2–3 sentences to tighten phrasing and vary verbs. Enrichment: Partner checklist (concise wording, vivid verbs, no repeated ideas, smooth flow).
School lunch is something that is very important, and I am writing about it in this writing. The cafeteria food is not always the best best. Many students feel hungry in their stomachs after eating, which is a bad problem issue. The lines are long in length and take a long time duration. I think we should add more fresh fruits that are fresh and vegetables that are green veggies. Also, we could have water that is cold and chilly. If these changes happen, it will be better and improved and more better for everyone in the school building. community.
Which revision best improves clarity or style for the sentence: "The lines are long in length and take a long time duration."
The lines are long in length and take a long time duration that is lengthy.
Lines of students are occurring in the cafeteria area.
Long lines are long, and the time is long too.
The cafeteria lines are long and slow.
Explanation
Choice D uses precise, concise wording to describe the problem clearly. Scaffold—model revision: change 'The cafeteria food is not always the best best.' to 'The cafeteria food is not always the best.' Extension: Rewrite 2–3 sentences to eliminate redundancy and strengthen word choice. Enrichment: Peer review with a checklist (clarity, concision, strong word choice, sentence variety).