Revising for Clarity
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ISEE Upper Level: Essay › Revising for Clarity
What revision makes the paragraph more coherent?
Renewable energy can strengthen a community’s budget. First, sunlight and wind are free, so towns can reduce fuel purchases. Next, maintenance costs are often predictable. My cousin likes to skateboard after school. Finally, when energy costs are steadier, planners can fund other services with more confidence. These points show why renewables can support long-term financial planning.
Move sentence 4 to the beginning to grab attention.
Delete sentence 4 because it interrupts the focus on budgets.
Add “Therefore,” to the start of sentence 4.
Change sentence 4 to: “Skateboarding is a renewable activity.”
Explanation
This question tests ISEE Upper Level writing skills, specifically revising for clarity, coherence, and correctness. Revising for clarity involves eliminating off-topic sentences to keep the paragraph tightly focused. In this passage, sentence 4 about skateboarding disrupts the discussion of budget benefits from renewable energy. Choice B is correct because deleting it removes the irrelevance, strengthening coherence. Choice A is incorrect because moving it to the beginning would still introduce an unrelated idea. To help students, practice topic sentence checks to ensure all details support the main point. Encourage cutting sentences that cannot be linked back to the thesis.
What revision makes the paragraph more coherent?
Renewable energy is often described as clean power. It can reduce pollution by limiting the need to burn fossil fuels. It can also protect water because many renewable systems use less water for cooling. I once found a lost glove in the hallway. In addition, renewables can support stable budgets when fuel prices rise. These benefits explain why many communities are investing in clean energy.
Add “Similarly,” to the start of sentence 4.
Delete sentence 4 because it does not connect to clean energy.
Move sentence 4 after sentence 1 to add interest.
Change sentence 4 to: “Gloves are a kind of renewable resource.”
Explanation
This question tests ISEE Upper Level writing skills, specifically revising for clarity, coherence, and correctness. Revising for clarity involves deleting distractions to keep the focus on the core topic. In this passage, sentence 4 about a lost glove interrupts the clean energy benefits discussion. Choice B is correct because removing it enhances coherence. Choice A is incorrect because relocating it still adds irrelevance. To help students, practice paragraph unity checks. Encourage cutting personal anecdotes unless they support the thesis.
What revision makes the paragraph more coherent?
Renewable energy offers several benefits for towns. It can reduce air pollution by replacing power plants that burn fuel. It can also stabilize budgets because fuel prices can rise unexpectedly. The library has a new display of mystery novels. Finally, renewables can encourage innovation as communities improve storage and efficiency. Together, these reasons support wider use of clean energy.
Delete sentence 4 because it distracts from the discussion of energy.
Move sentence 4 after sentence 1 to introduce a new topic.
Change sentence 4 to: “Libraries store energy in books.”
Add “As a result,” to the start of sentence 4.
Explanation
This question tests ISEE Upper Level writing skills, specifically revising for clarity, coherence, and correctness. Revising for clarity involves removing unrelated details to preserve the paragraph's unity. In this passage, sentence 4 about a library display breaks the focus on renewable energy benefits. Choice B is correct because deleting it restores coherence to the discussion. Choice C is incorrect because changing it still leaves an irrelevant idea. To help students, practice underlining sentences that match the topic sentence. Encourage revising by asking if each sentence advances the main idea.
What revision makes the paragraph more coherent?
Renewable energy can benefit cities in several ways. Solar and wind power produce electricity without burning coal or oil. People also like parks because they are relaxing. As a result, cleaner energy can improve local air quality. In addition, once equipment is installed, communities may spend less on fuel. Finally, using renewables can help a city plan for the future as prices become more stable.
Move sentence 3 to the end of the paragraph.
Add “In other words,” to the start of sentence 3.
Change sentence 3 to: “People also like electricity because it is useful.”
Delete sentence 3 because it does not support the main idea.
Explanation
This question tests ISEE Upper Level writing skills, specifically revising for clarity, coherence, and correctness. Revising for clarity involves removing irrelevant details to keep the paragraph focused on the main idea. In this passage, sentence 3 introduces an off-topic idea about parks, which disrupts the coherence of the discussion on renewable energy benefits. Choice B is correct because deleting sentence 3 eliminates the distraction, allowing the paragraph to maintain a logical progression. Choice A is incorrect because moving sentence 3 to the end still leaves an unrelated idea that weakens the conclusion. To help students, practice outlining paragraphs to identify supporting details versus extraneous ones. Encourage peer reviews to spot sentences that do not align with the thesis.
In this expository paragraph, what revision makes the paragraph more coherent?
A chemical reaction occurs when substances change into new substances. This change often involves breaking old bonds and forming new ones. Many students like chemistry because labs can be exciting. For instance, when iron rusts, iron combines with oxygen to form iron oxide. Similarly, when vinegar reacts with baking soda, new products form and gas is released. These examples show that reactions can happen slowly or quickly, but they always create different materials.
Move the underlined sentence to the end, after the final sentence.
Change the underlined sentence to: “Chemistry is liked by many students, and it is liked a lot.”
Replace the underlined sentence with: “Chemistry is the best subject in school.”
Delete the underlined sentence because it does not support the definition and examples.
Explanation
This question tests ISEE Upper Level writing skills, specifically revising for clarity, coherence, and correctness. Revising for clarity involves maintaining focus on the main topic and removing irrelevant information that disrupts coherence. In this expository paragraph defining chemical reactions, the underlined sentence about students liking chemistry introduces an unrelated topic that breaks the logical flow from definition to examples. Choice B is correct because deleting this sentence maintains the paragraph's focus on explaining what chemical reactions are and providing concrete examples. Choice A would place the irrelevant information at the end, still disrupting unity, while C and D would keep or worsen the off-topic content. To help students, practice identifying the main purpose of each paragraph and checking whether every sentence supports that purpose. Encourage outlining before writing to prevent irrelevant tangents.
In this narrative paragraph, where is a transition needed for better flow?
Last month, I volunteered to help my science teacher set up a simple weather station behind our school. First, we measured a flat spot and pushed a metal pole into the ground. We checked the compass and aimed the wind vane toward true north. We carried the rain gauge to the fence. The anemometer clicked softly as it spun, and I wrote the first wind speed in my notebook. I realized I had been rushing, so I slowed down and reread the directions. By the end of the hour, I understood that careful steps create reliable data.
Add “Meanwhile,” at the beginning of the underlined sentence.
Add “For example,” at the beginning of the underlined sentence.
Add “Next,” at the beginning of the underlined sentence.
Add “In contrast,” at the beginning of the underlined sentence.
Explanation
This question tests ISEE Upper Level writing skills, specifically revising for clarity, coherence, and correctness. Revising for clarity involves using appropriate transitions to show the sequence and relationship between actions in narrative writing. In this passage, the writer describes setting up a weather station in chronological order, but the underlined sentence lacks a transition word to indicate its place in the sequence. Choice B is correct because "Next," clearly signals the continuation of the step-by-step process after checking the compass. Choice A "Meanwhile" suggests simultaneous action, C "In contrast" indicates opposition, and D "For example" introduces an illustration rather than a sequential step. To help students, practice identifying time-order relationships in narratives and selecting transitions that match the logical flow. Encourage creating a timeline of events to visualize where sequence transitions are needed.
In this narrative paragraph, which sentence best improves the clarity of the passage?
During math club, I tried to explain my solution to a tricky logic puzzle. I spoke quickly, and my teammates looked confused. It was not going well. Then I paused, pointed to the key clue, and restated the steps in order. After that, everyone nodded, and one student added a helpful shortcut. I learned that a calm pace can make even a hard idea easier to share.
Replace the underlined sentence with: “Was not going well.”
Replace the underlined sentence with: “It was a thing that happened in the room.”
Replace the underlined sentence with: “My explanation was unclear, so I needed to slow down.”
Replace the underlined sentence with: “Not going well, in a manner of speaking.”
Explanation
This question tests ISEE Upper Level writing skills, specifically revising for clarity, coherence, and correctness. Revising for clarity involves replacing vague statements with specific explanations that help readers understand cause-and-effect relationships. In this narrative, "It was not going well" doesn't explain what specifically was wrong or why the speaker needed to change approach. Choice A is correct because "My explanation was unclear, so I needed to slow down" identifies the specific problem (unclear explanation) and the solution (slowing down), creating a logical bridge to the next sentence. Choices B, C, and D remain vague or grammatically incomplete. To help students, practice identifying moments in narratives where specific details would clarify the situation. Encourage explaining the "why" behind actions rather than just stating outcomes.
In this descriptive paragraph, where is a transition needed for better flow?
The park trail begins beside a small pond, where ducks drift quietly near the reeds. The path curves under oak trees, and the shade cools the air. The playground sits farther ahead. A few minutes later, the trail opens into a wide field that is perfect for tossing a frisbee. The whole place feels organized, as if each area leads naturally to the next.
Add “Farther along,” at the beginning of the underlined sentence.
Add “Meanwhile,” at the beginning of the underlined sentence.
Add “However,” at the beginning of the underlined sentence.
Add “As a result,” at the beginning of the underlined sentence.
Explanation
This question tests ISEE Upper Level writing skills, specifically revising for clarity, coherence, and correctness. Revising for clarity involves using transitions that accurately show spatial relationships and movement through a descriptive passage. In this paragraph describing a park trail, the underlined sentence introduces a new location but lacks a transition to show its relationship to the previous locations. Choice D is correct because "Farther along" indicates forward movement on the trail and maintains the spatial progression from pond to trees to playground. Choices A, B, and C suggest contrast, cause-effect, or simultaneous action, which don't match the spatial movement being described. To help students, practice mapping physical descriptions and identifying where spatial transitions (ahead, beyond, to the left) clarify movement through a scene. Encourage visualizing the described space to select appropriate directional language.