Writing Standards: Narrative Writing with Depth and Structure (CCSS.W.9-10.3)
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Common Core High School ELA › Writing Standards: Narrative Writing with Depth and Structure (CCSS.W.9-10.3)
I got to Bean Harbor six minutes late, my shirt sticking to my back. The sign on the door said Open. I stood there, then went in because it was now or never. The manager looked up from a tablet and asked if I was here for the interview. I said yes and tried to smile. There was a stool and a counter and people in line. I wondered if they could hear us. She asked about my availability, and I listed times. My mind was still on the bus that didn't come, the shoelace that broke, the way I had to run the last block. I thought of what my mom said about first impressions. I kept my hands still so I wouldn't fidget. The espresso machine made a noise I couldn't name. When she asked why I wanted the job, I said something about liking coffee and being reliable. It didn't feel memorable.
Which revision would best strengthen this narrative's character development, sensory detail, and event sequencing without changing its tone?
Replace the coffee shop sounds with extended metaphors (the espresso machine as a volcanic heart, customers as a restless tide) and add a paragraph comparing late buses to unreliable constellations.
Shift to second-person future tense and narrate hypothetical outcomes (You will sit; you will say the right thing; she will nod) to create a choose-your-own-adventure feel.
Insert brief, scene-specific dialogue and concrete details: "You must be Maya?" she says, tapping a name tag that reads Cora. Steam hisses; I wipe my palm on my sleeve. "Bus stranded me," I admit. "I still wanted to show up." Her eyebrow lifts. The hiss quiets. I add, "I like the rush, and I've opened at 6 a.m. before." The sequence moves from doorway to counter to stool, ending with my quick reflection: This is where late becomes unprofessional unless I own it.
Add a general note to include more dialogue and details about the setting so readers can picture the scene.
Explanation
Choice C adds purposeful, specific dialogue, sensory detail, and a clear sequence that reveals the narrator's stakes and reliability, strengthening character and pacing. The other options are either overwrought, shift voice and perspective inappropriately, or are too generic to improve the draft.
By late afternoon the office was hot, the fans hardly moving air. I had been copying messages all day, my wrist tired. The clerk at the window kept checking the street like there was something to see. We were told to stay until closing because there might be an important announcement. I knew what everyone wanted it to be. A boy stuck his head in to ask if we had news. Mr. Fallon told him no and to move along. I kept my head down. Tapping came and went. I thought of my brother overseas and the letter we got last month. The clock made a tick I could hear over everything else. In the back room, someone laughed too loud. When a wire finally came through with words in all capitals, Mr. Fallon read it first. He stared at it and didn't say anything. I held my pen and waited.
Which revision most effectively strengthens this historical fiction draft through period-appropriate detail, pacing, and character development?
Tighten the scene with period-specific, concise beats and dialogue: Ink smudges ladder my fingers; the sounder ticks a staccato I can feel in my jaw. "Message," Mr. Fallon says, voice gone thin. ARMISTICE SIGNED STOP blinks in my head before I've fully read it. The clerk leans in: "Say it." I don't breathe until Mr. Fallon does. The waiting shifts to listening, then to running feet in the street.
Restructure with a nonlinear timeline that cuts to the brother's battlefield in alternating paragraphs, adding footnotes that explain telegraph codes and the politics of 1918 for context.
Add a lush paragraph describing the sky over the town in painterly terms and comparing the fan blades to the wings of mythic birds to elevate the prose.
Modernize the voice by including an imagined group chat among clerks reacting to the news to show multiple points of view at once.
Explanation
Choice A deepens authenticity with concise, period-accurate details and clipped dialogue that heighten tension and clarify the moment of revelation. The other options either disrupt the scene with academic frames, stall pacing with ornate description, or introduce anachronistic techniques.
The auditorium had folding chairs and a long table with microphones. People from town filled the rows, some with signs. I signed in to speak and got number 12. I sat with my backpack on my feet and looked at my note cards. A woman in a blue blazer talked about policy. A man in a cap shouted something and was told to sit down. They kept calling names. I checked the clock and it moved slow. My English teacher was two rows up, looking straight ahead. I tried to think of how to start, but every opening line sounded wrong. When they called number nine, a parent said the book was dangerous. My chest tightened. The board chair read a rule. I tried to take a breath quietly. Then number eleven was up and stumbled on the mic. I waited for my name and thought about just leaving.
Which revision best strengthens this contemporary narrative's sequencing, tension, and point of view?
Insert a paragraph vividly cataloging every poster's color and design in the room and describing the auditorium's ceiling architecture to immerse readers in the setting.
Recast the scene in a lyrical first-person plural chorus ("we") to represent the entire student body's feelings during the meeting and repeat lines for emphasis.
Add a quick shift to the board chair's internal thoughts to show the pressure of the meeting, alternating with the narrator's thoughts each paragraph.
Thread precise action beats and focused dialogue toward the mic: The gavel cracks; papers shuffle. "Number twelve?" the chair says. My cards edge-dent under my thumb. "State your name for the record." I stand, backpack strap squeaking, and my teacher half-turns: a nod. The sequence tightens—from sitting to standing to breathing into the mic—so my first line lands as a release instead of a stall.
Explanation
Choice D adds specific, purposeful beats and dialogue that clarify the sequence and heighten tension within the narrator's perspective. The other options either stall pacing with static description, blur the established POV with a choral voice, or head-hop into another character's thoughts.
The grocery store smelled like cold air and oranges. I took my grandmother's arm and we went toward the produce. She asked what we needed, though we had written a list together. I told her and she nodded. We stood at the apples for a while. She picked one up and then put it back in the same place. A kid in a red jacket pushed a small cart by us. We moved to the cereal aisle. She asked if my mother was coming later. I said yes without adding that Mom was working late again. We passed the crackers twice because the aisle looked the same both ways. I could feel people behind us. My grandmother smiled at someone like she knew them. When we got to the register, she opened her purse and then paused like she forgot why. I told her I had it. She said thank you and looked relieved.
Which revision would most effectively deepen character and refine pacing while keeping the scene's gentle tone?
Elevate the language with sweeping metaphors—her memory as a shattered mirror, the aisles as labyrinths—and extend sentences into long, winding reflections to heighten drama.
Add restrained, scene-anchored dialogue and sensory beats to clarify sequence: "Apples or pears?" I ask. The crinkle of a produce bag; the freezer hum. "Your mother—she's meeting us?" she says. "After," I say, matching her steps. We pass crackers once, then again; I turn the cart to face the lane numbers so we stop circling. At the register, she fingers a folded coupon. "I can—" "I've got it," I say. Relief softens her mouth. I think: learn her pace, not the store's.
Introduce a magical-realist moment where the boxes whisper shopping advice, pausing time as the narrator and grandmother decide which path to take.
Suggest generally that the writer should expand on the narrator's feelings and include more description of the setting to make it vivid.
Explanation
Choice B uses specific, understated dialogue and sensory details to deepen the relationship and clarify movement through the store, ending with a reflective insight that fits the tone. The other options are melodramatic, shift genres, or remain too vague to improve the draft.
On my first day at Lincoln High, the hallways felt long and crowded. I kept my schedule in my pocket and went to classes. At lunch, I didn't know where to sit. I walked around and saw different tables with different groups. I ended up near the back doors, next to a vending machine that hummed. I thought about my old school and how I used to sit with people from chess club. I had a sandwich but wasn't hungry. A group laughed nearby and I looked down. I wanted a place to be. After a while I saw a flyer taped to a wall about after-school clubs. I leaned in to read it. There was something about chess but my bus leaves early. The bell rang and I put my trash away and went to my next class, thinking maybe tomorrow I would figure it out.
Which revision best strengthens the narrative by improving technique, details, character development, or event sequencing?
Rewrite the cafeteria scene as an extended metaphor: "The cafeteria was a galaxy of metal tables orbiting under a sun of fluorescent light; trays drifted like comets as I floated, a speck of dust, through an indifferent universe," emphasizing imagery instead of action.
Replace the lunch moment with: "The vending machine hummed until a voice cut through it. 'You looking for someone?' A girl with a tiny rook pin tapped the flyer. I pointed. 'Chess. But my bus...' 'Coach signs late passes,' she said, and the knot in my chest loosened. When the bell rang, I snapped a photo, plastic tasting like pennies on the air, and texted Mom: Can I stay Tuesday? For the first time all day, I knew where I'd sit tomorrow."
Shift to second person and flash forward: "You scan the room, you pretend not to care. Years from now, you are chess captain and these tables are yours," creating a reflective, future-focused commentary on belonging.
Add a general concluding moral: "I realized tomorrow would be better and that clubs help you find friends," to make the message explicit for readers.
Explanation
Choice B adds purposeful dialogue, sensory details, and a concrete decision that advances the plot and character arc, creating a smooth, coherent sequence. The other options either overindulge in imagery at the expense of movement, shift tone/POV in ways that don't fit the established voice, or state a generic moral rather than strengthening the narrative with specific craft.
The day the sky turned brown, I was supposed to fix the fence. The wind started like usual and then didn't stop. My mother covered the windows with wet rags, and my father tied a rope from the porch to the shed. I kept my face down and went from post to post. Dust came in anyway, under doors and in our mouths. We had been talking about leaving for a while. My father said maybe California. I didn't know what that meant. At night the radio crackled with just enough music to keep us from thinking. That afternoon, a neighbor drove by slow and waved us toward town, but we stayed. The next morning we counted what we had: some jars, a map, and a car that coughed. We waited for the storm to settle. I thought about what would be left when it did and what we would be when we weren't here.
Which revision would best strengthen this historical fiction draft by enhancing character development, sensory detail, and coherent sequencing toward a choice?
Insert a lush descriptive paragraph: "Dust rose like ancient gods, a sepia tide swallowing fences and barns, baptizing us in the old earth," focusing on metaphorical resonance over action.
Add a metafictional aside and footnote: "Historians later called us 'Okies' (a contested term; see Appendix A)," acknowledging the narrative's constructedness and academic debates mid-scene.
Break into a lyrical montage with line breaks and second person: "You cough. You count. You dream wheat that holds," embracing poetic form over the established voice and pacing.
Replace the ending with: "Pa pressed the rope into my palm. 'Hold steady,' he coughed, red bandanna gritted with soil. We bumped along the porch, grit ticking our teeth, until the shed door thudded. Inside, Ma folded the map by the lantern, her finger stopping on a town we'd only heard on the radio. 'Tomorrow, before the wind wakes,' she said. I slid my postcard of the ocean into the glove box and nodded."
Explanation
Choice D deepens period sense and character through precise detail and dialogue, and it sequences events toward a clear decision, strengthening coherence. The other options showcase sophisticated techniques but either stall the scene with ornate imagery, break tone with academic commentary, or shift form/POV in ways that don't fit the story's established voice.
On Thursday, people were talking about a walkout in fourth period. It was for the art program, which had been cut again. I wasn't sure if I would go. My friend Jae said there would be signs and maybe a chant. The teachers looked tired. When the time came, the bell rang, and some students stood up and went to the door. I stayed in my seat for a second and then stood too. In the hallway it was crowded and loud. We moved toward the front steps. Outside it was bright and everyone gathered near the flagpole. Someone spoke into a megaphone but it was hard to hear. I tried to be near Jae but we got separated. I held my phone like a shield. After a while, we went back in. Later, someone posted pictures. I wondered if it made any difference.
Which revision best strengthens the narrative by improving pacing, dialogue, and a purposeful concluding beat?
Revise the protest sequence to: "Jae nudged my sleeve. 'On three,' she whispered, and the second hand hesitated with us. We stood. 'For Ms. Ortiz!' someone shouted, cardboard and marker scent sharp in the air. Near the steps, a student lifted a clipboard: 'Emails if you want to help.' My hand shook as I printed my name. 'First meeting's Tuesday,' she said. The bell cut through the chant, but something stayed with me."
Add more color description: "Posters bloomed in neon pink, lime, cobalt, and sunflower; shirts were a patchwork of teal and maroon," to make the scene visually rich.
Switch to a mock-news report: "At approximately 10:42 a.m., students exited classrooms in a coordinated demonstration," to create a detached, objective tone.
Conclude with a generic lesson: "In the end, I realized that when we stand together, we can make a difference," summarizing the theme without changing the events.
Explanation
Choice A adds specific dialogue, sensory detail, and a small but meaningful action that clarifies the narrator's growth, resulting in clearer pacing and a purposeful conclusion. The other options either focus on description without advancing the story, shift into an inappropriate tone, or state a vague moral rather than strengthening the narrative through concrete craft.
On Thursday nights I help at my family's corner store. My cousin Mateo runs the register and I stock the fridges and sweep. Most customers buy the same things every week. Around eight, a man came in who I'd seen before. He put chips and a soda on the counter and paid with cash. Mateo counted change and handed it over. The man said it was short and got annoyed. Mateo said it wasn't. They went back and forth. I stood near the fridge and watched. I didn't want to make it worse. The man said he'd tell people not to come back. Mateo laughed without smiling. The man left without taking the chips. I picked up the bag and put it behind the counter. Later, when we closed, Mateo said not to worry about it. I thought about the way the bell sounded when the door opened and closed.
Which revision would best strengthen this character study through sharper dialogue, clearer action, and reflective closure?
Layer in more descriptive details: "The fridges buzzed, the chip rack glittered with flavors, the bell dinged like a toy," emphasizing atmosphere over resolving the conflict.
Insert a nonlinear flashback in second person: "You remember being five under the counter, counting pennies while storms rattled the glass," shifting voice and timeline away from the present scene.
Replace the confrontation with: "I slid beside Mateo. 'Let me recount,' I said, tapping the quarters loose. 'Eighty-five, ninety, a dollar.' The man's jaw unclenched. 'Thought you were shorting me.' Mateo's knuckles eased. 'We don't do that,' he said, softer. I held out the last dime. 'We make mistakes; we fix them.' The bell rang bright as he took it, murmuring thanks. After he left, Mateo flicked me a look that felt like trust, not a test."
Add general advice: "Use more sensory language and show-don't-tell to make the scene stronger," without providing specific changes to the moment.
Explanation
Choice C introduces purposeful dialogue and a concrete action that resolves the moment while revealing relationships, followed by a reflective beat that develops character. The other options either luxuriate in description without advancing events, shift into a voice/structure that doesn't fit, or offer generic advice rather than an effective, specific revision.