Writing Standards: Strengthening Writing Through Planning, Revising, and Editing (CCSS.W.3.5)
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Common Core 3rd Grade ELA › Writing Standards: Strengthening Writing Through Planning, Revising, and Editing (CCSS.W.3.5)
On Saturday I went to the park with my family. Before that, we ate ice cream after the game. My cousin and I raced to the slide, and later I woke up early to pack snacks. The sun was hot and I saw ducks. In the middle, Mom said it was time to go, but then we bought tickets to the splash pad first. I liked the swings. At the start of the day, we took a picture when we got home. I want to go again soon.
Which revision would be most helpful to improve this draft?
Add more adjectives to describe the park equipment.
Fix the spelling of words like "Mom" and "park."
Put events in the order they happened and add time-order words like "first," "next," and "finally."
Add a new paragraph about a different trip to a zoo.
Explanation
Organization is the main issue; the events are out of order. Choice C fixes the sequence with time-order words.
Our class had a special day at school. We did an activity that was very fun and everyone liked it. We learned a lot and people asked questions. I felt happy about what happened and I think it will help us later. We used things to make something and we showed it to others. The teacher said we did a good job. It was interesting and cool, and I will remember it. It was one of the best days this year.
Which revision would be most helpful to improve this draft?
Add specific details about who visited, what you made, and what tools you used so the reader can picture the activity.
Change every sentence to start with "I" to make it more personal.
Add three new long words like "extraordinary" to sound smarter.
Fix the word "cool" to "cooler" in one sentence.
Explanation
Detail is the main issue; the writing is too vague. Choice A adds specific, concrete details.
yesterday my friend maya bring her dog to the park it was small and fluffy we run with the dog and he chase a red ball the dog was very fast i laugh and my friend say this is the dogs favorite game then we see a sign that say keep dogs on leash so we put the leash on and walk around the pond later we sits on a bench and eat crackers the dog try to eat them too but we tell him to wait
Which revision would be most helpful to improve this draft?
Add a new paragraph describing a different pet.
Change "red ball" to "very, very, very red ball."
Move the last sentence to the beginning.
Edit for capitalization of names and sentence beginnings, add correct punctuation, fix verb tenses and subject-verb agreement, and add the apostrophe in "dog's."
Explanation
Editing for conventions is the main issue; choice D corrects capitalization, punctuation, tense, agreement, and the apostrophe.
Recess is important for kids at school. Last week I played tag and slid down the slide, and one time I traded snacks with my friend. When teachers give us time outside, I feel ready to learn math and reading again. Another day I forgot my jacket but I still ran. We need recess because we move our bodies and talk to friends, which helps us feel calm. Also, I like the swings a lot. That is why schools should keep recess every day.
Which revision would be most helpful to improve this draft?
Replace "recess" with "outdoor intermission" to sound more advanced.
Remove off-topic details (snack trading, jacket) and use linking words to group reasons together clearly.
Change "swings" to "swing."
Add three exclamation points to the last sentence.
Explanation
Organization is the main issue; choice B focuses on relevant reasons and links them clearly.
I decided to build a birdhouse. First I painted it blue. Then I found the wood and nails. I put the roof on after I hung it on a tree. I measured some boards, and later I drew a plan to see how big it should be. My neighbor heard hammering. I finally cut the hole for the birds. It will be a great home for them. I think the birds will like it because it looks nice.
Which revision would be most helpful to improve this draft?
Add commas after words like First and Then.
Put the steps in a clear order and use transition words like First, Next, Then, and Finally.
Add a fancy metaphor to describe the roof.
Add a question at the end to get the reader's attention.
Explanation
Organization is the main issue; this choice fixes the order of events with clear transitions.
On Saturdays I go to the park with my family. It is a nice place. We do things there and have fun. I like to go a lot. It makes me happy. There are many things to see. Sometimes we stay for a while. I bring stuff and we play games. My favorite part is everything. When we leave, I feel good. The park is the best place to be. There is also a pond and some trees. We eat food there sometimes.
Which revision would be most helpful to improve this draft?
Change words like nice and good to very nice and great.
Correct any misspelled words.
Add a long sentence with fancy vocabulary about how excellent the park is.
Add specific details about what we do, what we see, and where we go in the park, using sensory words.
Explanation
Detail is the main issue; this adds concrete, sensory details to explain the ideas.
yesterday my class visit the science museum and we was excited we see a big dinosaur bones display it was huge we taked pictures and the guide tell us about fossils then we eat lunch in the picnic area after that we ride the bus back to school everyone were tired but happy i want to go again soon because museums are fun and it helps me learn there was a room with rocks too and we make a model of a footprint.
Which edit would be most helpful to strengthen this draft?
Fix capitalization, punctuation, and verb tenses to make complete, correct sentences.
Add a new paragraph explaining how fossils form in detail.
Add a simile comparing the bus to a rocket.
Move the lunch sentence to the beginning.
Explanation
Editing conventions are the main issue; this corrects capitals, end marks, and verbs.
To make a simple fruit salad, first you get things. Then you do some steps. I mix it up and it tastes good. I take something and cut it. After that, I add more of the things and stir again. Finally, I put it in a bowl and we eat it. Everyone likes it when I make this. It is easy to do and does not take long. I could tell you more about it, but it is pretty simple.
Which revision would be most helpful to improve this draft?
Replace the word simple with more exciting words like delicious and wonderful.
Add an exclamation point at the end to show excitement.
Name the specific fruits and amounts, and list clear steps for cutting, mixing, and serving.
Move the final sentence about eating to the middle.
Explanation
Detail is the main issue; this adds precise materials and steps.
I went to the park yesterday with my cousin. At the end we ate sandwiches on a bench and fed crumbs to birds. First we were tired, but before that we raced our bikes on the path and I won. After that we decided to swing, and the sky was bright. I should say the park has a pond and tall trees. Next we packed up our bag and looked for our water. In the beginning we forgot our water bottles at home and had to go back.
Which revision would be most helpful for this draft?
Add more adjectives to describe the tall trees and bright sky.
Rearrange the sentences to follow time order (forgetting water, biking, swinging, eating) and fix time words like first, next, after, and last.
Change birds to ducks to be more specific.
Add a long sentence about helmets, speed, and safety rules with many commas.
Explanation
Organization is the main issue. Putting events in time order and matching transition words to that order makes the draft clear.
I can make a sandwich by myself. First I get things. Then I do some steps. It is important to be safe and neat. I put stuff on and make it taste good. After that I finish and clean up. My family likes when I do it because it is helpful and fast. Sometimes I make it different, and that is fun too. Making a sandwich is something kids can do and it is not too hard if you try.
Which revision would be most helpful for this draft?
Replace the word things with items.
Add more adjectives like tasty, yummy, and awesome.
Add another ending sentence that says making food is fun.
Add specific details: list the ingredients (two slices of bread, peanut butter and jelly or cheese), name the tools (plate, butter knife), and explain each step in order so readers can follow.
Explanation
Detail is the main issue. Adding concrete ingredients, tools, and step-by-step directions helps the reader understand and follow the process.