Adult ESL ELL Advanced Quiz
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PRESENTATIONAL COMMUNICATION (SPEAKING & WRITING)
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Read the following two versions of the same sentence from a student's academic essay on immigration policy:
Original: 'The government's new policies have had a big effect on the lives of a lot of immigrants who have come to this country to make a better life for themselves and their kids.'
Revised: 'The government's recent immigration policies have profoundly impacted the daily lives of a substantial number of immigrants who relocated to pursue greater economic opportunity and familial stability.'
A writing instructor evaluates both versions of this sentence and concludes that the revised version, while an improvement, still contains one notable weakness that limits its effectiveness as academic writing. Which weakness does the instructor most likely identify?
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