Use Narrative Techniques · 5th Grade Writing

5th Grade Writing Quiz

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PASSAGE

Maya's narrative: "The Surprise" Fifteen of us crouched behind the couch with the lights off. My little brother, Theo, breathed loudly next to my ear. Then we heard Mom's car pull into the driveway. The car door slammed. Her keys jingled on the porch. In the glow from the window, Dad held up three fingers. Then two. Then one. The front door creaked open. For a long moment, nobody moved. I could hear the clock ticking in the kitchen. I could hear Mom set her bag down. I held my breath so hard my chest hurt. Click. The lights flashed on. "SURPRISE!" we all yelled. Mom froze in the doorway. Her keys slipped out of her hand and clattered on the floor. Her mouth opened, but no sound came out. She looked from Dad, to Theo, to me. Then her hand went up to cover her mouth. Her eyes got shiny. A little laugh slipped out between her fingers, and then a bigger one. "You did this?" she whispered. "All of you?" I nodded. Slowly, Mom's face broke into the biggest smile I had ever seen. She held her arms wide, and Theo and I ran straight into them.

In Maya's narrative, how did pacing build suspense during the surprise party moment?

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